I, Carly, Sam, and Freddie
by iEmbargo
Summary: After "iGoodbye," Freddie Benson is at the vertex of an isosceles love triangle of his own making. How will Carly, Sam, and Freddie deal with their feelings and interference from other interested parties?
1. Prologue

Thank you everyone for reading my first fic since 1990. I was inspired positively by **iCarly**'s fandom and some of the series' best stories and negatively by the handling of the characters as described by children of friends and family towards the end of the series.

This is somewhat AU because I did not use any of the show's alternatives to **Star Trek**, **Star Wars**, etc., but appealed to the originals because the show had references to them – but Dan Schneider didn't recognise them when asked. I also take Sam's knowledge of George Joos's Theoretical Physics ("iLike Jake") seriously. Because I actually own it, I do refer to its contents a couple of times.

This takes place a couple of years after "iGoodbye" and technically is a cross-over with **Victorious **and **Sam & Cat**. However, those series are only incidental to the issues this story addresses, which are 100% from **iCarly**. I expect that the characters have become more mature, worldly versions of themselves from the series. However, I am not terribly familiar with any of the series, especially Victorious and Sam & Cat, so please forgive me for any gross continuity or character goofs.

One last thing: I research everything. So if I had left in the bit where Sam was wearing a penny-tee that said "Ham Sandwich Theorem," you could look it up and come up with something like, "The Stone-Tukey or 'Ham Sandwich' Theorem: Any n-dimensional set can be cut into two sets of equal n-dimensional volume by a single (n-1) dimensional hyperplane." So if you have doubts on any information I have in this story, feel free to ask and I will send you a reference. If there are enough requests, I will post a list of references.

**Prologue**

**i-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi**

_Carly Shay snuggled into Freddie Benson's chest as they watched, "Sleepless in Seattle" in the living room of her family's apartment in Seattle. She was wearing skinny jeans and a penny-tee that said, "Adored." Freddie had his left arm around her as Carly plopped her right arm over his penny-tee that said, "iBCarly's." She looked up into Freddie's eyes and smiled gently at him before planting a kiss on his lips. She heard a door open behind her, but she paid it no attention. After a few moments, Carly heard Sam Puckett sigh and close the door._

_Carly broke the kiss and looked behind her, but instead of the entrance to the Shay apartment, she saw the back of a darkened movie theatre. She then turned to look at Freddie, who smiled warmly at her as if to calm her down and solve her problems. She then turned to look at "An Affair to Remember" on the screen. She laid her head on Freddie's shoulder and sighed contentedly as Freddie rubbed her shoulder. As the couple met at the end, she could hear another woman sniffle just barely within earshot. She sniffled too, contented with the ending. But the other person began to sob._

_Carly spun around in the street looking for the whimper. She found herself looking at Sam in a penny-tee that said, "Put Your Arms Around Someone." Carly frowned._

_Sam grabbed her by the shoulders and spoke to her forcefully. "Come on! Must you always keep Freddie waiting?"_

_Carly smiled and replied, "Thanks, Sam. I thought you were upset."_

_A crestfallen look appeared momentarily on Sam's face before she spoke resolutely. "Priorities, Shay!" Sam pointed to Carly's side. "Freddie's waiting for an answer."_

_Carly turned to Freddie, who was on one knee and proferring a diamond ring. Carly broke into a beaming smile. "Oh, Freddie – our relationship has been perfect! Of course I will marry you!"_

_Freddie slipped the ring on her finger. He then jumped, pumped his fists in the air, and then picked up Carly to kiss her and twirl her around. After they broke the kiss, Freddie set her on the ground. "You have just made me the happiest person alive. I was thinking that we could wait until I get out of grad school at the 'Dub' – Sam was right about needing the time to set it up if we do it ourselves."_

_Carly nodded and was about to respond when they heard a crazed voice yell, "NO!" Carly, Freddie, and Sam turned to the voice and saw a car barreling down the street. Carly and Freddie jumped to the side as Sam was run over. The occupant jumped out of the car and ran to Sam's crumpled, dying body and began yelling at her. "You just had to try and stop Creddie by advising them to wait, you abusive, egotistical, mean, violent trollop! Now you know that no one has ever or will ever love you enough to save you!"_

Carly awoke in her bed in Italy and screamed for Sam at the top of her lungs. When she opened her eyes, she saw her father standing at her door. He ran to her side and hugged her as she sobbed into his chest. He patted her back in an attempt to calm her down. "It's OK. Sam's OK. Freddie, Sam, and you said you would work this out, right?" Carly nodded and then raised her head to smile weakly at her father. He pulled back from her and looked at her consolingly. He pulled out his cell phone and glanced at the time. "It's too late for you to get back to sleep. Get cleaned up and dressed for school. We need to see what the heck Spencer wants us for this morning."

After Carly dressed, she made her way to the computer room where her father was waiting with their breakfasts – his plate in his hands, her plate in front of the keyboard. She fired up the computer and put up the iCarly private chat URL that Freddie and Sam had set up for their private use. After a few moments, she reset her computer screen to display two rows of two columns of rectangles. In the upper left, Sam was sitting in her room from her roommate's grandmother's apartment. Sam's twin sister Melanie was in the upper right hand corner, sitting in her dorm room. In the bottom left were Freddie Benson and Gibby Gibson in Freddie's room. Lastly, in the bottom right was her brother Spencer, looking somewhat uncomfortable as sweat appeared on his eyebrow. An awkward silence had descended over the group.

Spencer broke the silence after a few moments. He gulped nervously. "Everyone ready?"

Steven Shay crouched behind Carly and looked at Spencer "Yes. OK, Spencer - why did you need specifically us six together to tell us all at once?"

Freddie nodded as Gibby folded his arms. Freddie asked, "And why was it necessary for us to be in my room rather than with you and-"

"**Quiet!**" Spencer yelled. Everyone else backed away from their monitors as Spencer adjusted his camera. He then cleared his throat before announcing, somewhat portentously, "I have been seeing someone for a while now. She moved from Seattle a while ago and fell even further out of contact. But then we started talking a few months after that when she was worried about someone she loved very much had seemed to go AWOL. We started talking soon after and have spent a lot of time together when we could. She is moving back to Seattle - I hope permanently. So meet my fiancée, everyone." Spencer turned to his left and gestured for someone out of shot to come to him.

Pam Puckett appeared in the screen behind Spencer. She walked up to him, linked her hands with his, gave him a quick kiss, sat in his lap, and then giggled nervously. "Uh, hi, everyone."

After a moment of disconcerting quiet, Sam asked what was on her mind in a way that could break the ice: "Wow, twentieth time's a charm, Mom?"

Everyone laughed out loud at her brash inquiry - but it worked. After a few moments, Spencer responded for his fiancée. "Twenty-second, Sam: your dad, the eighteen guys before Vegas, the two in Vegas, and me."

"**Spencer! PAM!**" Colonel Shay yelled. "May I talk to you both, please?"

"Sure, Dad," Spencer said confidently.

"Of course, Steven," Pam responded.

Colonel Shay studied the monitor and then glared at the camera. "Could everyone under drinking age give us some privacy, please?"

"No, Col. Shay." Melanie said firmly. "This concerns the families at the very least, so we should all hear."

Carly nodded. "Yes, Dad. It involves all of us."

Colonel Shay rolled his eyes. "Very well." He stood ramrod straight and spoke harshly. "Pam, why should I think that Spencer has made a good decision and that you aren't just bilking him out of a wedding ring?"

Pam thought for a moment. Melanie, Sam, Carly, Freddie, and Gibby glanced at each other's images uneasily. Pam cleared her throat before starting. "Well, you heard Spencer's account. When we started communicating more often, I realised that my terrible handling of being deserted by my ex had badly affected my daughters." She glanced at one side. "Mel overworked herself to get a merit scholarship to a school out of state." Then she glanced at the other side, presumably at Sam. "Sam slowly changed her crowd to a bunch of ne'er-do-wells aside from Carly and then Freddie." She then hung her head. "Carly had to manipulate and coerce Sam and me into therapy before I actually started bottoming out. I didn't string along guys as much any more."

"**As much**?" Colonel Shay asked harshly.

Pam nodded disconsolately. "Yeah. Better, but still very bad." She then stood up and looked defiantly at Steven Shay. "I was with my second new guy in Nevada when Spencer called me asking about Sam." Pam suddenly became very upset. "I had spoken to her earlier that day, yet he knew that she had left Seattle and I didn't. It was so humiliating."

"Wow," Sam mumbled.

Pam continued. "I broke up with the guy that evening and spoke with Spencer extensively to try and figure out where Sam was. Spencer was really tough on me. I agreed with him, but I also told him that even though he was moderately successful as an artist that maybe he should stop sponging off of you."

Spencer then took up from Pam. "Her way of phrasing it – 'sponging off your father who is making our country safer' – was embarrassing. I started looking at what I can do that would allow me to work on my art in my off time. I decided that law clerking would be OK." He then turned to Pam and smiled. "Pam came to visit me so that we could co-ordinate with Freddie and Gibby to figure out where Sam was."

Pam then looked at her screen superciliously. "By the way, Gibby, how were you so sure that Sam was in LA?"

Gibby shrugged. "I had started dating someone down here who had heard of Sam and Cat's business." Pam and Spencer glanced at each other querulously as the others looked askance whom everyone else presumed was Gibby. Freddie turned to him with a bit of a glare. Gibby just shrugged. "Hey, I'm only a Gibby."

Pam snickered before continuing. "Anyway, I was horrified at the extent that my daughters had tried to distance themselves from me physically and from each other emotionally. But Spencer made me look at ways to improve the situation rather than berating myself for it in self-pity. He made me feel good about myself for the first time since I had filed for divorce. We figured out that the other helped give us encouragement and direction, so we started dating."

Spencer then broke in. "We needed to keep this from you because we knew all of you were going to be as accepting as you were earlier," he said sarcastically.

Pam jumped in quickly. "It's been really hard avoiding Freddie and Marissa all this time, but we made it happen."

Everyone stared dumbly at Pam and Spencer for several seconds. Finally, Melanie managed a disbelieving, "Congratulations, Mom, Spence."

Carly was now confident. "You finally found a nice guy, Mrs. Puckett!" she exclaimed, albeit surprisedly. "Sam, Mel – why don't my future nieces give their Mom a video hug while Dad and I can welcome you to the family."

Colonel Shay was not so sure. "Hold on, there," he said gruffly. "I know Mel has been on the straight and narrow from the start and Sam began cleaning up her act before dating Freddie-" - Sam, Melanie, Carly, and Freddie shifted uncomfortably - "-but what about you, Pam?"

Spencer frowned, but Pam nodded and smiled a bit. "Understandable, Steven." She cleared her throat before continuing. "I had already started getting out of the syndicate work once Sam and I started therapy." Sam, Melanie, Carly, Freddie, and Gibby nodded absently. "When I started dating Spencer, we made our requisite visit to my old parole officer, both sides of Sam's family out of prison, and then to Chaz and the guys at the prison."

Colonel Shay shifted uneasily. "And?"

Pam shrugged. "I told them that with my daughters going straight and my perhaps-lawyer boyfriend needing to know that his girlfriend was not going to get him into trouble that I wanted to go straight as well."

"How did they take it?" Steven asked quietly.

Spencer answered for her. "Pretty well - especially Pam's side of the family."

Pam nodded. "Definitely. The life is hard. Then I saw how much Melanie could do without worrying about every little detail I did and how much better Sammy was with Carly, Freddie, Gibby, and Spencer - and getting famous and making money off the web show without doing anything illegal. I decided the cleaner life was for me." She then giggled at her daughters. "And you get to meet better guys to boot!" She smiled and turned to give Spencer a big kiss.

Sam and Melanie laughed somewhat embarrassingly and began to blush while Freddie Benson turned beet red. Gibby let out a small chuckle while Carly said, "Aww," and Colonel Shay harrumphed gruffly. After the kissing stopped, everyone else began giving the couple some happy, if surprised and reserved, congratulations. Then Pam and Spencer bade "goodbye" to everyone else.


	2. Act I

Thank you for the reviews, favourites, etc.

I want to thank the following writers for their advice and encouragement. Please read their fics for encouragement:

arreyellewebb, iCarlyismelife, LivelyMelody14, MixItUp, Team Plus 2, Harry Potter Fan 1994, iLive iBreathe iCarly, this little heart of mine, JadeSelena, bluduckie, NinjaNovelist, MegColes, and YouSpokeOfIt.

For those that are wondering, the parts of a television script in the US are the prologue (part before the opening titles), several acts (the bits between the commercials), and the epilogue (last bit before or during the end titles). The old FF standards for fanzines required that you wrote to the format of the shows you were writing for.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of iCarly, the MAA, Sam & Cat, VicTorious, The Big Bang Theory, Doctor Who, or The Beatles.

**Act I**

**i to the i-the power = { exp ((4k – 1) * pi / 2) : k an integer }**

Carly saw Marissa Benson opened the door to Freddie's room as Spencer and Pam's video turned off and disappeared. "Freddiekins, would you and Gibby like to have Tofuburgers with spiced tomatoes, guacamole, and tropical fruit salad for dinner?"

Meanwhile, Carly readjusted her picture to three vertical screens. She could see Melanie and Sam doing likewise as Colonel Shay quietly left the room.

They watched Gibby made a face, but then Freddie shrugged in response. "It's actually OK. It's a South American taste and the tofu has the consistency of hamburgers and the tomatoes replace ketchup, honestly. We can prepare for the USAMO afterwards."

Gibby shrugged before turning to Marissa. "Sure, thanks."

Marissa smiled and nodded. "OK, boys. It'll be ready in about 15 minutes." She pulled the door lightly, so it did not quite shut.

Carly, Sam, and Melanie frowned. Carly spoke first. "USAMO?"

Freddie turned first and responded, "United States of America Mathematics Olympiad."

Gibby then turned from the door. "Freddie's been **the man** for the school year for the Mathletes," he said excitedly as Freddie began adjusting his monitor.

Sam grunted, "Nubby as ever."

Gibby ignored Sam and continued, "I've been riding his coattails to go with him to the ARML."

This time, Melanie asked, "ARML?"

Freddie put the finishing touches on the monitor orientation. "American Regions Mathematics League."

Carly's giggle in response was met by glares from Freddie and Gibby. Gibby then added a light cough before changing to the topic they were all curious about. "Your Dad's not happy, is he, Carly?"

Carly shook her head. "Nope. But I could tell he's willing to give Pam a chance." She glanced at Sam and Melanie. "Sam, Mel: Spencer should thank God for you two – if you hadn't turned your family's legacy around, my dad would be dragging Spencer here on the first plane out of Seattle."

Sam perked up. "Hey, the business world is a lot more like my family's legacy than you would think!" Melanie, Carly, Freddie, and Gibby laughed out loud at her comment. "On the other hand, it was a bit surreal watching Mom kiss, um, Spencer."

Melanie nodded at her sister. "Yeah. He was the first nice boy we met after Dad ran out on us."

Carly looked at the twins quizzically. "Boy? You guys were eight, he was 21!"

Gibby and Freddie whistled in response as Melanie and Sam blushed slightly. Gibby frowned. "Both of you had a crush on Spencer?"

Sam and Melanie both shrugged in a mirror image fashion. Sam replied curtly, "Duh, we're twins. I get along with Carly, so Mel gets along with Carly."

Melanie nodded. "Yup. If Sam find Cat's naivete frustrating, you know I do. Conversely, if I think a boy is adorable, I know Sam does."

Sam coughed overly-loudly as Carly stifled a laugh. "Yeah, well. And don't forget that we had our parents' shady associates to deal with to, not to mention leering boyfriends."

Carly nodded and then smiled. "Yup, Spencer was extraordinarily safe by comparison. I remember you two saying how you couldn't trust other boys or men you knew – and then would fight over who would get to marry him." This time, Gibby and Freddie snickered quietly as Sam and Melanie shifted uncomfortably.

"Wouldn't it have been creepy if he had considered one of you?" Gibby finally asked.

"Yeah," Sam mumbled, "a creepy mix of incest and paedophilia." The three girls shuddered. Sam then cleared her throat. "Now that I have this business, that seems so creepy now. The age difference between me and the kids I babysit is like it was between Spencer and us." The five iCarlies shivered. "I don't want to imagine any of them wondering if they could marry me or Cat."

Melanie nodded. "Agreed. It seems unreal thinking about this at our age."

Sam nodded. "Yup. And I had to double my case load ever since the IRS came down and forced us to start with the back taxes."

Gibby's eyes widened. "How bad?"

Sam snorted, "Let's see, FICA, self-employment tax, federal tax, state tax, local tax, ugh. No wonder Cat's friend Jade played us that Beatles song, '…There's one for you, nineteen for me…'" She shook her head. "All you can do with the IRS is gargle and say, **'I OBEY!' **Then we had to register with the State of California as licenced child care providers, get training, insurance…" She leant back in her seat and cleared her head. "Maybe they make it hard for child care so that no couple can have kids, so no one gets married and everyone pays the singles' tax rates." Freddie, Gibby, and Melanie leant back in shock.

Carly leaned forward with a concerned look. "That bad? You didn't go to your family, right?"

Sam shook her head. "No, but it's going to be more hectic for more hours of more days for a while. This Sunday is the first day free I'll've had in three weeks!"

Freddie gave Sam a sympathetic look. "Wow, that's tough."

Sam got to her feet. "Yeah, but at least there are two of us and friends of ours drop in every now and then to help." Sam then looked down at the bottom of her display. "Well, everyone, because I am 9 hours behind Carls and I need to be up at about 5am before my Friday kids come in, I can't stay on much longer.

Carly, Melanie, Freddie, and Gibby chuckled. Carly then spoke. "Whodathunkit – Sam Puckett being disciplined enough to both not stay up too late **and** to get up early."

Sam grinned. "It's for money, not school!" The five of them laughed together. After they settled down, Sam continued. "It's a deal – their kids stay here and get into relatively minimal trouble; then Cat and I get paid for having done so."

Freddie nodded. "What would my eleven year old self have said after being told that I would tell Sam Puckett, 'Wow, Sam. You are working hard, making an honest living, and not getting into too much trouble.'"

Gibby snorted, "Nothing – he would be lying on the ground after fainting before you made it to the end of the sentence." Again, the five of them laughed together.

Sam glanced at the bottom of her screen. "I gotta get ready for bed, everyone. I also should get to bed before I forget that Mom won't be dating horrible guys again."

Melanie nodded vigourously as Carly, Freddie, and Gibby merely smiled. Melanie added, "Good luck getting used to **that** idea quickly."

Gibby wrinkled his nose. "You two are genuinely going to lose sleep over it?"

Sam and Melanie shook their heads. Sam spoke for the twins, "Nah. It will take some adjustment, though." She then sighed and reached her hand out to the monitor. "Good night, everyone."

Sam's part of the screen went blank; then Carly's monitor adjusted to having Melanie one one side and Freddie and Gibby on the other. Carly adjusted her chair before speaking to the others. "I can't stay on much longer either. But I'd like to talk with all of you before I go."

Melanie, Freddie, and Gibby nodded in assent. Melanie asked for the three of them, "What do you want, Carly?

Carly and Freddie straightened up. Carly cleared her throat. "You know how much I have disliked the guys Sam gets interested in, right?"

Melanie nodded. "Yeah – something about, '…have a neck tattoo, outstanding warrants, or…'"

Carly broke in. "No – you're confusing what I said with how Penny describes her old boyfriends to Leonard in 'The Big Bang Theory.'"

Freddie chuckled. "Although what Carly said was pretty similar – '…disgusting, heavily tattooed, or on parole.'"

Gibby laughed. "No wonder Melanie got confused. Carls – did the writers give you the right to plagiarise them?" The four of them chuckled light-heartedly.

Freddie looked at Melanie puzzled. "And I am remembering you two – you twins fell out of your mother on a bus, while Sheldon and his twin sister Missy fell out of their mother at K-Mart, right?"

"Right," Melanie replied. "But anyway, back to the matter at hand." Melanie's face became stoic. "Freddie," Melanie said, "you were the first nice guy she's ever really liked."

Gibby mumbled, "A bit like Penny with Leonard."

Melanie continued. "She hasn't said anything to me, but I don't think she's dated since you two broke up."

Freddie put his face into his hands before nodding and looking back at Melanie and Carly. "I was afraid of that."

Carly frowned. She then leant forward. "You and Gibby know about our deal?"

Melanie and Gibby nodded. Gibby then sat up, "Freddie asked Sam to get back together with him shortly before you and Freddie made out in the iCarly room. Sam found out and the three of you made a deal to settle the issue when Carly returns from Italy or someone makes up their mind so that none of you hurts the others." Carly, Melanie, and Freddie nodded.

Melanie shifted in her seat. "Sam claims that the arrangement was Freddie's idea and that she was against it because Carly had been so forward."

Freddie nodded. "It's true. We vid-chattted after Carly arrived in Italy. Sam said Carly and I should act on our feelings, but somehow I felt she was really hurt."

Melanie frowned. "Why would you think that?" she asked knowingly.

Carly shrugged. "If Sam really didn't care, why would she agree to this arrangement? One of the possibilities is that she and Freddie get back together, right?"

Melanie sighed. "I can see your point." She then glared at Gibby and Freddie. "And why did you two poker faces flinch when she made that Doctor Who reference?"

Carly gave them a puzzled look. "What Doctor Who reference?"

Freddie replied, "Oh, that thing after the Beatles lyrics was a reference to a monster called the 'Daleks.'"

Carly frowned. "So that's another nubby reference after her picture with the kids using her toy phaser and her light sabre?"

Gibby whistled. "That's another thing – not only has she straightened herself out, but she did keep watching those SciFi shows and movies. You know – Star Wars, Doctor Who, Star Trek, and the like."

Melanie nodded. "Yeah, I know." She then adjusted herself to look at Carly. "Carls, how do you feel about Freddie, really?"

Carly shrugged. She then looked at Freddie intently before starting. "I hadn't really thought about him as a guy to go out with until that idiot from the computer store got too friendly. Then I saw what he had to put up with from his mother. When I realised that I might not see him for a long time, I realised how important he is to me and how much I needed him; I guess I figured my feelings could have changed."

"That's mighty co-dependent," Melanie thought to herself as she glared at Carly. "Hadn't it occurred to you to ask Sam about it first?"

Carly frowned and rocked in her seat. "Not really. They acted as if their relationship had never occurred, almost as if someone wanted me to forget its existence." Freddie hid his head in his hands as Gibby turned and stalked around Freddie's bedroom. Carly noticed their reactions and added, "Why does everyone give me looks whenever I say that?"

Melanie slumped into her chair. "Because we've all heard Cat talk about how her friends Tori and Jade became real friends."

"I haven't," Carly said as she shook her head. "Who told you?"

Melanie made a rueful smile and replied, "Cat, in one of her less tactful moments-"

Gibby added as he kept pacing. "Cat's doesn't know how to be tactful, Mel! She probably just said it when it was cogent but inappropriate."

Everyone chuckled in response.

Melanie stopped laughing first and sat up ramrod-straight to look intensely at Carly. "Jade had broken up with her ex, Beck. When Tori was replaced by Jade on some awards show, Beck tried to kiss her, but Tori eventually stopped him because she thought Jade still liked him."

Carly shrugged. "But Sam didn't seem to feel that way about Freddie."

Melanie and Gibby sighed and paused. She then continued. "Maybe you should have looked harder." Carly looked harshly at Melanie, offended. Melanie continued with alacrity. "Even though Jade had tried not to let on, Tori guessed that she was still hurt and that Jade was deliberately avoiding going with guys."

Carly shot forward in her chair, but almost crouched into a defencive posture as Freddie stood up angrily. "Oh, no," she whispered.

Meanwhile, Freddie pounded his desk as Gibby stopped pacing and ran to his side. Freddie growled, "She didn't! She took Zayn from One Direction to the elevator!" as Gibby held him still at the middle of his torso.

Gibby shook his head. "You are so toast, Dude." He then forced Freddie into his chair and stood over him.

Melanie started to turn red like Sam did when she got angry. "You're going there? Really?" Melanie paused to calm down as Gibby got behind Freddie to hold his shoulders down. "After you told Sam that only Carly cared about you at Nora's place? Is that why it was OK for you to lie to her face about crushing on Carly again? Is that why it was OK to undermine her at a job where she outperformed you? And when you were, ahem, 'in love' with Carly, you crushed on Shelby Marx and then Tori Vega too? Somehow, **you** are the aggrieved party here?"

Freddie spluttered as Gibby whispered to him, "Where did your brains go, Fred-man?"

Freddie dropped into his chair and slouched. "To Florence and LA, I guess." Gibby smacked him in the side of his head while Melanie smacked her forehead with her hand.

Meanwhile, Carly threw her hands down in disgust. "Freddie! Chizz! Why don't I know about any of this?"

Freddie spluttered again. "I figured she had moved on and was going out of her way to rub my nose in it." Melanie, Carly, and Gibby groaned derisively. "So it didn't seem to matter."

Carly was indignant. "Freddie – you know that Sam doesn't like appearing weak. Didn't it occur to you that it might have been an act?"

Freddie glared back at Carly. "Well, it didn't occur to you before you kissed me!" he spat.

Carly raised her voice over his. "Sam didn't say anything to me, so-"

"So it's still her fault for hiding her feelings," Freddie interjected.

"**No!**" Melanie and Carly yelled.

"**Yes!**" Freddie yelled defencively. Gibby pressed down on his shoulders. "Ow!" he snarled.

"**Stop it!**" Carly screamed. After a few moments of stunned quiet, Carly continued. "Freddie, have you ever heard of 'licking your wounds'?"

"Of course."

"I thought she might be avoiding talking about it because she needed some space," Carly continued. Freddie shrugged. "She's not going to tell me because the person you were comparing her against was me. If you had said something about this, I would have kept my distance."

Freddie shook his head. "She could have told you."

"No, Freddie," Carly replied. "It's because it's specifically me and specifically you for her."

Freddie sighed and slumped back into his chair. "Oh, no, not the 'Sam sees Carly as a rival' thing again."

Melanie interrupted Carly. "Yes. You chased her for how long?"

Carly sighed. "Ugh, five OCD years."

Melanie nodded. "Why do you think she tried not to let you know how she felt in the first place? She ahem, 'knew' you loved Carly. She figured letting you know meant she was coming unglued."

Carly started to tear. "Sam was so happy when she was with you. You don't know how much you meant to her. She couldn't come to me."

"I get it!" Freddie shouted. He then sighed and slumped back into his chair. "It's too late to fix that now, though. So what about us, Carly?"

Carly closed her eyes and tried to blink away the tears. "I hate this."

Gibby looked at her. "Hate what?"

Carly took a few moments, sniffled, and then spoke as quietly and levelly as possible. "I hate feeling that I've betrayed my best friend because of an impulse." Carly choked back a sob. "I don't want to hurt Sam. And I'm still not sure of my feelings." Carly paused to think over how she should continue. "It could be like the taco truck – maybe the possibility of Freddie not being around scared me. I know how much his affection and support have meant to me over the years." She folded her arms on the desk in front of her and buried her head in them.

"Oh, yeah," Freddie mused. "The 'Mitch' thing, right?"

Carly sat up. "Uh huh." Carly thought for a moment. "Her relentless ripping on you might have kept you interested in me; her presence kept you from hooking up with Rona Berger-"

"Ew," Melanie and Gibby said together.

"-and me from thinking Nevel Papperman was boyfriend material."

"Ugh." Melanie cringed and shook her head to clear the image.

Carly shifted uneasily in her seat. "For all that we bailed her out of trouble early on, she has really made us stronger and more independent."

Freddie nodded. "Yeah. I don't want to hurt her either. We've all come a long way." Gibby nudged him in the back. Freddie turned around and shrugged at him. Gibby pointed at the screen.

"What was that all about?" Melanie asked.

Freddie harrumphed. "The other problem is because Sam is still my friend, and we broke up amicably and knew we had fallen in love with each other, there's still a part of me that, well, is still in love with her too." Carly grunted as she saw Freddie look up at her. "It's not fair to either Carly or Sam until I get my head straightened out."

Gibby patted Freddie on the head. "Good boy," he snarled condescendingly. He turned to face the screen. "So the deal seems like the best thing to do at the moment."

Melanie frowned and suddenly became very serious. She leant forwards almost growled, "I still don't think you all quite get it – especially you, Freddie." Freddie's eyes widened in fear. "You didn't have to hear my sister, um, well, act quite like my sister hasn't since the day I went to boarding school. The sonic screwdriver at Nora's, you crushing on the one person she could not handle emotionally you turning to, and then you had the gall to lie to her about it!"

Freddie stared at everyone with a stunned look. Carly glared at her screen and Gibby smirked. After a few moments, Freddie recovered his composure. He then looked back at Gibby, who then added nodding to his smirking. Freddie turned back to face his monitor. Melanie could see the disapproving look on Carly's face mimicked her own. "Yeah, that wasn't good."

Carly rolled her eyes in disgust. "Ya think? Freddie, she's one of your best friends and your first girlfriend. She has been loyal to you almost to a fault since you two dated and you **lied** to her?"

Gibby muttered, "Past a fault," quietly to no one in particular.

Freddie cringed. "I didn't want to hurt her."

Melanie bellowed, "Oh, so telling a lie is **so** much better than letting her know where she stands even if she gets hurt from knowing that yet another boy went from her to Carly."

Gibby spun Freddie around harshly and got into his face. "You don't know what that lying did to her, Freddie!" Gibby then stood up, paced for a few moments before coming back to glare down at him. "She tried to hide her tears. Let Melanie tell you the worst of what happened."

"You bet, Gibby," Melanie yelled so that Freddie could hear her. Melanie waited for Gibby to turn Freddie around. In the interim, Carly folded her arms and looked at her screen with disgust. Once Freddie realised he had to face this, he sighed and slouched into his chair. Melanie then continued. "She began to think that you just dated her out of pity or to make yourself look appealing to Carly."

Freddie's head shot up. "No, way! I can't believe it!"

Gibby pushed him downward and spoke harshly. "You have no idea how much your lying hurt her. I had to send her home early from Gibby's when she almost smashed the first set of dishes to wash."

Freddie shook his head in disbelief before he slumped again, crestfallen. "That's not true. When I told her I loved her, I really meant it. I didn't mean just in place of Carly. She was really my number one." Freddie folded his arms in front of him and buried his face into them. He shook his head in self-disgust for a few moments before raising it again. His eyes were red and puffy. "I wish she knew that it wasn't like that."

Melanie sighed. "You sort of made up for it with your deal – except it would have worked better had you not made out with Carly. For now, at least her work keeps her from obsessing over it."

Freddie nodded dumbly. Gibby tapped him on the shoulder. "That's why this is so complicated, you know." Freddie agreed and nodded. He blankly stared at his screen.

Carly was about to add something when heard her father yell from behind her. "I've got breakfast waiting. I've got to go. We will deal with some of this later."

#### cameddie #### creddiam #### seddily #### sardie #### farlam #### framly ####

Carly picked up the phone next to her bed early the next morning. As she awakened slowly, she mumbled into it, "whaddayawant?"

Spencer's voice was in a panic. "I just ran into T-Bo getting the Bensons' mail. He said that Mrs. Benson finally got upset at Freddie over his 'girl angst' and 'decided to do something about it – tomorrow.'"

Carly shot upward in her bed. "What happened?"

Spencer quickly blurted, "They left town some time today. I think they are heading to Sam's place so that she can stop them."

Carly was in a panic. "It's too late to call Sam and hope to speak with her. I am going to leave a message on both her business and personal phones. What about you?"

Spencer thought for a moment. "Best I can do is fly to LA and hope that Marissa hasn't done something stupid or provoked Sam. Good luck Carls." He hung up the phone quickly.

Carly reset her phone and called Sam. "Please answer this first, Sam…"

Sam's personal phone rang for several seconds before her voice mail message began. "This is Sam's personal line. If I'm not answering, then I have a good reason. Don't leave chizz for a message if you want a call back."

Carly rolled her eyes when the beep came. "Sam – it's late Friday night for you. Please call me as soon as you get this. Something happened with Freddie."


	3. Act II

In case you hadn't figured it out yet, the titles for each act are a joke because real acts of television shows don't have titles. I figured I could include what the format of the titles for episodes of iCarly and Sam & Cat remind me of for your amusement.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of iCarly, Star Trek, Star Wars, The Big Bang Theory, or The Addams Family. On the other hand, I do own copies of Joos's Theoretical Physics and Courant and Hilbert's Methods of Mathematical Physics.

I see that the formatting for Act I was screwed up when I uploaded. It should have said:

i to the i-th power is the set of all values e to the (4k – 1) pi over 2, where k is an integer.

**Act II**

**#include "sam.h"**

_Sam put on the white gloves as the door turned and spun her into the warp core of the engine room. She knew that what Pam had said was true: "No human can tolerate the radiation in there." She had hated using her Vulcan Neck Pinch on her mother, but saving the ship was paramount. She could feel herself getting ill and warming up quickly as the ions and radiation kept spewing into the comparment. Pam and Melanie implored Sam to get out as they pounded on the entry to the Warp Core area._

_Instead, Sam lifted the cover that gave her direct access to the warp core controls. The blast of ions and radiation punched Sam in the solar plexus. She could hear Marissa's voice as she worked on the warp drive core in the iCarly studio. "No. You can't get your way. From Hell's heart, I stopped Seddie. For Freddie's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." Sam operated the controls quickly - she had no time for safety precautions and other niceties designed to limit radiation exposure._

_Sam put the top of the warp core controller back on; the mains were back on line. She could feel the extra energy from the warp engines being engaged. Sam fell against the wall in a mixture of relief, satisfaction, and radiation sickness. She knew she did not have long to live, but hoped that she could give a benediction to Carly and Freddie._

_After several moments, she could hear Carly and Freddie screaming her name. She then heard Gibby, Guppy, Melanie, Pam, and Spencer arguing with them. She opened her eyes as best she could to see the four of them holding Carly and Freddie back._

_She pulled herself up the wall and leaned against the radiation barriers that protected Engineering from the radiation in the Warp Drive. She could feel the pain in her chest increase as Cat, Jade, Wendy, and Tareen looked on beside the others as Carly and Freddie approached the barriers from the other side. She looked at her friends' crestfallen faces. "Freddie? Carly? Your ship - out of danger?" Sam asked them._

_Carly burst into tears as Freddie responded, "Yes." Everyone eyes except Sam's were welling up._

_Sam looked at the long faces around her. "Don't grieve. The needs of the Creddie - to learn to appreciate who you really are, what you can be, and what you have to give -" She pointed to herself and Freddie. "- outweigh the needs of us two - " She then pointed at herself. "- or the Sam."_

_Freddie started to weep openly as Melanie and Pam fell to their knees, shaking their heads in grief. Melanie muttered, "Sammy - you're important too," as Pam curled into a foetal position while repeatedly saying, "no." Cat, Jade, Wendy, and Tareen knelt to comfort them as Freddie and Carly pushed their faces against the radiation barriers._

_Sam knocked to get everyone's attention. "All of you have been and always shall be my friends," she told them. "I hope I was good enough to you to have been yours." Everyone nodded or muttered in assent. "Thanks," she continued. Sam stood up as best she could and leant against the barrier and gave everyone a playful smirk. "Yo! Guess what? I had never taken the Kobayashi-Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?" Sam then fell into the barrier and sank to the ground._

Sam and Cat's apartment bell rang loudly. Sam awoke suddenly and groggily looked at her cell phone's time as Cat turned over in her sleep. 6:27am. _Aw, come on – it's the first Saturday in almost a month where I don't have a client before 10am_, she thought to herself. She got out of her bed, still dressed in the jeans and turtleneck that she had worn the night before. She glanced at cat for a moment before she got her bearings and started heading towards the bedroom door. _Why did I let Fredhunk, er, nub, talk me into watching his dweeby TV shows_, she thought as she got to the apartment entrance.

She opened the door to see her friend Gibby and her twin sister Melanie looking at her with concern. Melanie spoke first. "Are you OK, Sammy? Is Marissa making your life difficult? I met Mom and then Spencer at LAX; Gibby got us the car and we came straight here."

Sam yawned, "I'm fine, but what has 'Crazy' got to do with anything?"

Cat appeared from her bedroom. "Come on in," she asked as she stifled a yawn while she stretched.

"Thank you," Gibby replied with a tinge of concern in his voice. "Spencer and Pamela should be here in a moment. They called last night when he realised the Marissa and Fredward had gone to solve his, 'girl angst.'"

The doorbell rang again. "Mom, Spencer – get your butts in here and tell me what the heck is going on," Sam yelled in annoyance.

The pair hustled into the apartment and greeted everyone hastily. Gibby hung his head as Spencer and Pam looked gloomily at Sam.

Pamela walked towards Sam and held her gently by the shoulders. "I want you to know that I had no idea why the heck Marissa did what she did, or I would have got here sooner."

"This is the third time in thirty seconds that someone has asked me about 'Crazy.' What on Earth is going on?"

Gibby spoke as Pamela and Spencer kicked off their shoes and then turned to peek out the window. "I don't want to speculate about anything, but Freddie told me that his mother was worried about Freddie's 'angstiness.' She blamed it on Carly and then you leaving Seattle. She said she might force him to 'fix it.'"

Spencer turned from the window and stepped in front of Gibby. "When T-Bo said she was going to fix it, I guessed that she had taken Freddie with her and probably meant to come and see you and then Carly."

"Great," Sam muttered under her breath. "Carly, Freddie, and I already decided to figure everything out when she got back from Italy. So why bother?"

Spencer sighed and dropped his head for a moment. He raised it before looking at Sam straight in the eye. "She felt that Freddie had got depressed after Carly had gone to Florence and you had left without telling anyone where or why-

"Hey, Freddie and Carly knew why!" Sam exclaimed.

Spencer nodded and then sighed. "Well, as far as **she** knew." He looked at Gibby. "Even though he was regularly talking with Gibby, she figured he felt abandoned by his two oldest and closest friends."

Gibby stepped to Spencer's right. "So why did you leave?"

Sam thought for a moment before she began to pace. "Yeah, well, after seeing Carly say that she loved you, Spencer, and Freddie while only staring at Freddie, I had a feeling something had happened."

Pam turned from the window to look at Sam's pacing worriedly. Pam noticed only she and Cat were looking at Sam; Spencer and Gibby had their eyes down. "Go ahead, Sammy."

Sam stopped her pacing in the silence. She glanced around her and saw that everyone were holding their collective breaths. Pam nodded at her to encourage her to continue, as if to affirm that no one would criticise her. She looked over her mother's head as if into space and closed her eyes tightly. "Carly admitted in the elevator that she made a pass at Freddie and that he had, ahem, 'reciprocated with open arms.'" She opened her eyes and then pivoted sharply to face everyone; they were looking at her querulously. "We have a 'full disclosure' agreement."

Pam frowned. "Wait. Was that because she was jealous that you were Freddie's first kiss?"

Sam nodded. "She wasn't really jealous, though, right?" They collectively raised their eyebrows, which told her that no one else agreed with her. Sam shrugged and began pacing again. "She was sorry because she didn't ask me how I felt and was just overcome with the moment because she suddenly realised that Freddie was the only guy she didn't have to change who she was – and she wouldn't see him again for months."

Spencer turned towards Pam, shook his head ruefully, and muttered, "I can't believe she kept doing that for boys."

Sam nodded vigourously. "I told her the same thing." Sam let her shoulders droop before she added, "I told her that I wasn't really interested in Freddie." She caught Melanie and Cat glaring at her, so she shrugged. "She didn't really believe me and asked me to talk everything over with Freddie."

Melanie sniffled as tears began running down her cheeks. She ran over to her twin and hugged her. She whispered in Sam's ear, "She was right, you know." Melanie pulled back a foot and looked at her twin. Melanie noticed that Sam's eyes flickering and twitching, which she knew meant Sam was trying to keep from revealing her feelings.

Sam finally shook her head. "Anyway, I went to Freddie, who came clean immediately. He told me that he was pleasantly surprised by Carly, but that he felt badly about keeping me hanging after asking if I thought we should get back together."

Melanie noticed the edge in her twin's voice. "You felt rejected and betrayed, didn't you?" Sam's face hardened. She remained stoic as Cat walked behind her and nodded towards Melanie. Cat pointed to her throat and blew her cheeks up, showing that Sam was hiding a frog in her throat. "And you figured that someone you had loved had eventually picked Carly over you, again, based on that kiss?"

Sam shook her head weakly and then very quietly continued. "I told him not to worry about it since they both told me." Sam noticed Pam, Spencer, and Gibby were all giving her a stern look with their hands on their hips. "He believed me as much as Carly did. So he said we should all figure everything out together once Carly returned from Italy." Sam turned back to face Melanie. Everyone in the room could tell that Sam's face was a mixture of hurt and grief. "Look, I was stunned by his question. I was coping with Carly being upset that Colonel Shay wasn't going to make it; so I wanted to avoid answering until a better time - where I had thought it through and I had calmed down."

Melanie finished what she knew Sam had been thinking. "You were going to say 'yes', weren't you?" Sam said nothing and kept a blank face. Melanie continued. "It felt like he didn't really want you and hadn't really loved you; like he was just settling for you while waiting for Carly!"

Gibby shot towards the pair and split the twins. He turned them resolutely to face him. "Look, he screwed up, but that's not fair!" he said tersely as he shook his head. Sam looked at him, surprised by his confidence and defence of Freddie. Melanie raised an eyebrow, apparently surprised that Sam allowed Gibby to talk to her like that. "Freddie told me he was planning to ask you again once everything settled down." Sam's eyes widened. "But then Carly kissed him and then he was wondering what he had been feeling with you two."

Sam broke in angrily. "But he shouldn't have allowed Carly to go away thinking he hadn't at least thought about me!"

Gibby nodded. "Granted. But he knew he had to deal with it-"

Sam started getting more flustered. "Oh, come on. You know how upset I was about him lying to me about crushing on Carly again when he brought her to our restaurant. Then I was hurt by Carly making a pass at him after I had been trying to make myself more normal. He embarrassed me in front of our bosses when I finally found a job I was good at-"

Gibby nodded. "I figured. But obviously you were doing something right. A week after the Jimmy Fallon trip, and especially after you saved us from your former friends, he let it slip that he figured you were trying to become more normal and would consider getting back together with him." Sam was about to interrupt again when Gibby raised his hand to stop her. "Yes, I think he took you for granted. But he did, no, does care. He sure as heck wasn't going to commit to Carly without even knowing if she would be coming back and before working it out with you." Sam rolled her eyes and started to become flustered. "He wanted to wait until all of you could work it out, face to face, unless someone made a commitment to someone else that would make his choice for him." Gibby shook his head and then raised it again. "Then you left on the pretext that you needed to escape your past."

Sam was indignant. "I **do** need to get away from my past."

Gibby paused, unsure of himself. He looked at Pam and Melanie, who ruefully nodded. "Oh, sorry. But he suddenly felt like he lost even that. Face it, Sam – even though this is largely his fault, he really doesn't want to hurt either of you."

Sam's breathing relaxed and her skin became less flushed. She nodded at Gibby. "Sorry, Gibs. I told him that I needed to get away from my family's past. Without Carls, I could have fallen back into the same crowd I had been repudiating." Gibby was about to speak when Sam raised her hand this time. "Yeah, I have him, you, and Spence – but there are some things that I could only really talk about with another female – and I didn't need someone like Wendy with her wild ideas, ahem, 'accidentally' dragging me back into that junk." Sam blew out some air and then shrugged. "And yes, I was too tempted to break my promise to try and get back together with Freddie while Carly wasn't there."

Melanie shrugged. "Well, out of the three of you, you're the only one who knows your own feelings. Carly and Freddie are unsure of the depth of theirs and hence the problem."

Sam shook her head. "Nah, I think Carly is fairly sure." Sam brushed hair back and then looked at the floor, as if she were ashamed of what she was about to say. "And, let's face it, I am letting those 'Crazed Creddiers' from my former ne'er-do-well friends get to me." Everyone looked at her in puzzlement. "It's how they keep drying to drag me back in." Everyone now shook their heads in disgust. "They keep saying over and over again – chizz, sometimes to my clients – that Freddie never meant anything if he said that he loved me. You can only hear that so much before you start to wonder if they have a point."

Melanie let out a small chuckle. "Wasn't there something else about 'Psycho Seddiers' that you had to squelch because they gave that woman Maddy a hard time for trying to hook up with Freddie?"

Sam laughed and smacked her forehead. "Oh, yeah, that. Geez, you would think that shipping real people was nutty enough. But then to top it off with cyber-stalking threats to that ship? That's insane." She spoke to the air as if these shippers could hear her. "These are real people, you bozos. Their real lives are more important than you vicarious ones!" She then gave a rueful laugh. "I wonder if they realised that by making her life hell that they may have torpedoed the ship they supported."

Cat looked at everyone and wrinkled her brow. "So if she is trying to end his 'girl angst', why isn't she here yet?"

Pam spoke up. "Maybe she drove. We flew out a day behind last night. We figured she might come to LA first since it's closer and because Sam and Freddie already had a relationship."

Melanie nodded in agreement. "Thank God she hasn't got here yet."

Cat frowned and then sighed. "Freddie could have called if they were coming here. You know-"

Sam's business cell phone interrupted her. "That's probably him now." Sam took out her cell and looked at the message. "Nope. It's a Carly." She hit a button on her cell. "What's up, Carls?"

"Hey, Sam. Can you vid-chat now?" Carly's voice was slightly uneven.

Sam paused for a moment before replying. "No problem. Usual channel?"

"Sure."

Sam nodded. "OK. Be with you in a bit." She turned to address everyone else in the room. "Well, I hope we can settle this." Sam turned and sprinted to the bedroom. The others slowly followed her and stopped at the threshold. Sam grabbed her laptop from her nightstand and flicked it open. She muted her phone and glanced back at the crowd peering in. "Don't come in," she said. "I might have to kick all of you out if we need to talk about Freddie's absence."

Sam fired up her laptop Cat murmured, "Yeah – literally."

Sam chuckled as her laptop started up. She then unmated her her phone and then spoke into it. "OK, I'm on, Carls. Need me to set-up?

"Um, no, uh," Carly replied hesitantly. "Er, I've got Freddie here to help me."

Sam frowned and looked at her phone. A gasp went through Sam's houseguests before they withdrew. Sam stared blankly at the laptop screen as it started to focus.

_Sam held her light-sabre at the ready as she crept towards the storage area. Carly was being held by Stormtroopers while Freddie was being led around by his nose by his mother, who was dressed like "Emperor Palpatine." Freddie was dragged to the freight lift and bound to it. He turned to face Carly as Sam tried to formulate a plan._

_Suddenly, Carly stepped forward. "Freddie. I love you!"_

_Freddie smiled. "I know."_

_Instead of freezing Freddie in carbonite, Marissa said, "All too easy." She released Freddie, who ran to Carly and hugged her._

_Marissa nodded, muttering, "yes, yes," under her breath. She then turned to face Sam. "Come and see your destiny, young Jedi: Creddie. You don't deserve a nice boy like my Freddie. You deserve a bully who will beat you up."_

_Marissa pointed at Sam. Tick lotion containers and cloud block tubes came at Sam from several angles. She fought them off with her light sabre. Lightning bolts shot from her fingers and hit Sam squarely on the chest. Sam yelled in agony as the shock penetrated her chest. Sam fell and hit her head as Freddie and Carly turned to her while Gibby came out of nowhere and yelled in shock, "Sam?"_

"Sam! Sam, are you OK?" Carly yelled.

Sam woke up from her nightmare to see Freddie and Carly sitting cozily beside each other in a loveseat. Sam quickly recovered and shook her head to clear it. "Sorry, you guys. I have some early visitors. What's up?"

Sam could hear Marissa yelling, "Is that the delinquent?" in the background. Sam's throat began to tighten. "Why are you bringing her into this? I already gave you my son, so what is this for?"

Carly shot out of her seat in anger. She pivoted to face Marissa and put her hands on her hips. "Sam's a part of us; she's every right to know what's going on!"

Lamely, Freddie mouthed, "Sorry, Sam" to the mini-camera.

"If I had done what she had done at her age, I wouldn't have to save Freddie-" Marissa shouted excitedly.

"Mom!" Freddie stood up and turned quickly. "What's your problem?" Freddie stood ramrod straight and glared downward at Marissa.

"**Mrs. Benson!**" Carly screamed over her. "Sam is our best friend!" Carly's face was red; she was hyperventilating.

Marissa calmed down slightly. She turned slightly to face Carly. "Oh, yes, I see." Carly started breathing more evenly. "I have to remember that you need to pretend that they said they know what it means to have loved each other as more than friends-"

"**Mom!**" Freddie yelled as he stepped in front Carly yanked his mother towards him and roughly turned her shoulders. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Marissa harshly shook off Freddie's arm and stood up proudly. "I know you and Carly said that you and Sam told each other that you loved each other."

"How do you know that?" Freddie yelled in embarrassment.

Marissa paused and took a deep breath. She chose to ignore him. "Regardless, after what you said about the night Carly left, I knew that you never loved Sam-"

"Yes, I did, Mom."

"-and always loved Carly-"

"Mrs. Benson!"

"Mom!"

"-and since you and Sam need to pretend that you loved her as more than friends-"

"**What's that chizz?**" Sam bellowed at the screen.

"**Mom!**" Freddie yelled. "If I did that, I would want Carly to wedgie-bounce me while Sam beat me senseless with a butter sock!"

"**Marissa** – Sam really loved Freddie!" Carly shouted.

Freddie grabbed Marissa roughly and stared her down. "I knew that – and I knew that I loved her too." Freddie shook his head in disgust. "Heck, Mom – you **heard** Carly tell me that Sam loved me. If I only did as a friend, I wouldn't have said so, Mom." Freddie paused for a moment and loosened his grip on his mother. "Heck, if I didn't kind of **still** love her in some ways, I wouldn't have this 'angst' about her and Carly." Sam stared at Carly and Freddie as they pushed Marissa away. "Besides, what kind of person would I be if I had kept pining for Carly all of these years?"

"**A loser!**" Carly and Sam yelled simultaneously.

Freddie stopped momentarily to look at Carly and the image of Sam. Then he turned back to his mother. "And what kind of man would I be if I had strung along my other best friend just marking time for Carly to come free?"

"**A cheater!**" Carly and Sam yelled again.

Freddie nodded vigourously at his mother. "Mom, I don't care what you think of Sam - I love her and Carly very much-"

Marissa shook her head. "Young man, you don't know what 'love' means-"

Colonel Shay came running into vision. "What's the yelling for? Carly?" Carly gestured for Marissa to be led out of the room.

Freddie ignored them. "I dated my friend and we went back to being friends. That doesn't mean I didn't think about it. And that's why we have to talk about this."

Colonel Shay escorted Marissa to another room. "Now, Marissa," he said very sternly, "this is up to the kids. You have already done far more than enough and have had more say then you every should!" Marissa began to protest about Freddie's future and his heart as Steven Shay dragged her coldly from the room.

Carly and Freddie returned to the loveseat. Sam tensed and concentrated to make face stony and neutral. Freddie shifted uneasily and his and Carly's their hands. Both Carly and Freddie clasped their hands in their laps. He chuckled nervously before saying, "Hi, Sam."

Sam let out a quiet but strangled, "Hey, technub." She turned the volume down to a very low level before she gestured for everyone else to leave. She laced the fingers of her hands together, rested her elbows on her knees, put her chin on her fingers, and raised her thumbs as if to support her head. She could hear the others shut the door and move away.

Freddie coughed. "You know I've been really bummed since Carly left for Italy and you went to LA, right?" Sam nodded. "Well, my mom somehow figured out it was about you and Carly leaving. She said that she wanted me to work out my 'girl angst' - never mind that you and Carly are both adults and hence 'women', not 'girls' now. I protested, but she forced me down." Sam and Carly both rolled their eyes. "Next thing I know, we're coming to Italy and not LA."

Carly then leant forward, nudge Freddie back in the loveseat, and then cut in front of him at the front edge of the seat. "They showed up last night, all tired from the flights. Marissa said to me and Dad that Freddie was pining for me I had to work this out with him." Carly looked at Freddie uneasily. Freddie shrugged. Carly turned to face Sam. "I was overjoyed because I finally realised I could be myself around a really nice guy who would treat me really well - like how you two treated each other. I told him I wanted to talk to you about him becoming my boyfriend."

Sam nostrils flared as she stifled a gulp and hoped that neither Freddie nor Carly could see it. "Crazy" had made their decisions for them to ensure that Sam would get no chance and that Freddie would take what "Crazy" deemed the lesser evil: Carly. She lifted her head, broke her hands apart, and ran the left one through her hair as she adjusted the laptop screen with her right. She could see that Freddie was uneasy but was also hiding giddiness at finally dating Carly for real. Marissa's rant against her made the part of her that was lonely and wished to revert to her past – it wanted to figure out a way to sabotage Carly and Freddie's relationship and reset everything without being obvious. But those selfish thoughts had already been squelched by her new self – even though it would hurt her deeply.

Freddie broke her train of thought. "Sam, are you OK? We agreed before we asked for the chat that if we were hurting you in any way that we would break it off and that we would come to visit you to iron this out."

Carly nodded firmly and added, "Absolutely. We thought that in LA, because you got bypassed, that you could have home field advantage. We could not continue dating if we were hurting our other best friend."

Sam laughed, which released the tension between the three. "No. Aside from my will always travelling well, that is not exactly fair to you two, is it?" The three of them collectively chuckled at the sports metaphor's extension. "If I still liked Freddie, or if I thought that Freddie and I were, ahem, 'meant to be', you two are the best and closest friends I have ever had." Sam's voice began to crack. She desperately hoped that Carly and Freddie would interpret it as entirely about her missing them. "I would not want to even delay your relationship if that makes you happy." Sam redoubled her concentration. "Besides, I can not have 'Crazy' channeling the Emperor from 'Star Wars' at me again - a block of palladium for bribery to Frednerd, telling Carls to 'give in to her anger', and rubbing her hands in glee saying quietly, 'good, good' when Freddie and I were fighting. She might choke me to death with 'The Force.'"

Freddie laughed. "Well, if you are getting that, ahem, 'nubby', you should call my mom 'Palpatine' then!" The trio laughed uproariously.

Carly was the first to speak as the laughing subsided. "What other 'nubby' things should I know, Sam?"

Sam thought for a moment. "Well, remember that if I try to relieve you of command of your relationship with him and insist you work out things my way, I must do so by Section C of Starfleet General Order 104, not Section A - it is a claim of incompetence, not of a flag officer relieving a junior officer." They all laughed at the gaffe from "The Big Bang Theory." "Oh, and Spencer could have got through Caleb's 'neutronium cotton' pants – all that he needed was 97.835 megatons from overloading a starship's impulse engines; there was no need to kick him – his pants would have exploded." Carly and Freddie laughed and fell out of the love seat from imagining what would have happened to Caleb's "doomsday machine" with the explosion instead of Spencer's kick.

After they all had recovered, Carly spoke first. "Sam, are you OK?"

"Aside from just remembering that those two plot points are in the same episode as the first use of the word 'hell' permitted by prime time censors in any context, yes." Sam grinned for a moment before she became very serious. "Anyway, 'Palpatine' coercing Freddie to go to Italy makes me think, as your best friend, that you need to hear some things from me about each other that will make your relationship go more smoothly. After all, I am a businesswoman and entrepreneur now, so I can't referee your fights." They all smiled at the memories. Sam then looked at Freddie. "First, I am very concerned that your mother got you to knuckle under so easily to go to Italy." Carly nodded vigourously as Freddie hung his head in shame. "What is it, Freddison? Did your backbone hitch ride with me from Seattle? I don't think so."

Freddie laughed. "Yeah, I guess that's what my life without Sam Puckett looks like, eh?"

"It had better not, Freddifer." Carly giggled and nodded as she fell backwards into the chair. "And that's your biggest issue with both Carls and your mom. You can't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself, for Heaven's sake!"

While Freddie stared at her blankly, Carly sat up and put her hand up. "Wait, Sam. You and Freddie fought all the time-"

Sam interrupted her. "Yes, but we eventually learnt to work with our differences." Carly looked at Sam quizzically. "And we genuinely liked each other for who we are; and that's what's great about you and Freddie now – he knows you about as well as I do. Just be yourself – you **are** worth it, Carls."

Carly leant forward, puzzled. "What are you getting at, Sam?"

Sam paused to gather her thoughts. "I have seen you try to change yourself for guys. I think that if you have to try and change everything for a guy, then he's not worth it." Sam caught her breath and furrowed her brow to concentrate on keeping her voice level. "Look at Freddie and me. I didn't change who I was for him just to make the relationship go more smoothly – although learning how to take a bit of the edge off has certainly helped the business here." Sam smirked self-satisfiedly. "On the other hand, we didn't manipulate each other by making cute faces and saying, 'please, for me,' in a cloying voice either."

Carly's eyes opened wide in shock. She stole a quick glance at Freddie, who had a doleful look on his face, before facing Sam again. "That bad?"

"Yeah, Carls. When Freddie doesn't want to do something for you, take him seriously, OK?" Carly nodded slowly. "Especially now that he's your boyfriend. You shouldn't fight like we did, but you **can** disagree and still respect each other."

Freddie tapped Carly on the shoulder. She turned herself to face him while trying to keep Sam in the corner of her eye. "Carly, I really did kind of resent you using my crush on you like that." Carly's face suddenly looked hurt. "What was worse is that you took me going along with you for granted and didn't respect me."

Carly was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry, Freddie. I never thought of it like that. I always thought I knew best and that it was the fastest way to get you to go along with me."

Freddie hugged Carly and kissed her on the cheek. "That's all right now," he whispered into her ear. "Just listen to me. We can always work things out." He pulled away and put his right hand on Carly's left cheek. "It goes both ways. If you think that model trains are boring or that math club is geeky, say so - just don't go 'Gomez Adams' and 'Uncle Fester' on my 1951 Trudgemaster like Sam did."

Sam cringed inwardly. She perked up because she knew she had to make this point. "Yeah, you two – don't make our mistakes. Be original and make your own!" Carly and Freddie giggled and let each other go before turning to face Sam. "And Freddie, don't be obdurate. Carly is a fun person to be with – she has great ideas for things to do. Enjoy it!"

The three friends had a hearty laugh. "Thanks, Sam," Carly said after several seconds. "Aren't you going to ask me about bacon?"

Sam nodded. "Nah, I first gotta ask Freddie if he knows why I'm not puking blood." Carly and Freddie made sour faces at her. "Oh, come on, you two. You had to know **that **comment was coming."

"Yeah, actually," Freddie answered, somewhat annoyed. "I imagine that that you thought that me looking through the peep hole, making awkwardly flirty conversation-"

Carly snorted, "You wish they had been good enough to be awkward."

Freddie glared at her momentarily then looked back at Sam, who was partially successful at stifling her laughter. "Anyway. All the rest of it looks like a bad case of obsessive-compulsive disorder with the emphasis on 'disorder.'"

"Good job, Fredwordy." Sam turned to face Carly. "You need to answer this, Carls. I actually know the answer; Freddie probably knows it since he showed some gumption last time by asking you to wait until his casts were off. Why isn't he bacon this time?"

Carly nodded. "Yeah, it feels different. I'm not idealising him this time. It's almost like I tried to idealise him the way he idealised me and reward him for his patience and heroism. The only thing that seems real from back then was when I noticed how 'cukey' he is."

"That he is, Carls," Sam whispered.

Freddie sat up. "Yup. I hated you at the time, Sam, but mutual hero worship is not something you can start a real relationship with."

Carly leant back into Freddie. "I felt I had to live up to his expectations." Carly paused for a moment and suddenly brightened. "Oh, wow, do I see what you guys mean about me changing for guys. I tried to fake knowing what his hardware was. Wow." Freddie gave a rueful laugh. "Then I saw how relaxed you were around him; you were friends still. And I noticed that stuff you had found 'nubby' were suddenly endearing, sweet, and cute - but instead of faking the knowledge, you actually learnt things like data mining and differential analysis for your lock-in project." Carly sighed contentedly. "**That** was really cukey."

Sam laughed nervously. "Yeah, well, it'll be our little secret."

Carly and Freddie chuckled. Carly continued. "It's almost relaxing being with him. And that's when I knew you really loved him. I never really thought about how good he was as boyfriend material until he was with you."

Sam forced a smile and feigned a bow. "Glad to be of service, M'Lady." Carly and Freddie chuckled at her affectation. Sam became serious again. "Now, you are going to have issues. Remember that we are all friends first, but you have to work out your issues within your relationship. I will be her to help you out, but you still ultimately have to work it out yourselves. And regardless of what happens, cherish your time together. And, unlike Carls, I will blow up the first time I get dragged between you two, have to be a referee, or have to hear something behind the other's back. Got it?"

Carly and Freddie smiled at her. "Thanks, Sam." Freddie finally said.

"You are welcome," Sam responded. "Look, I'm pretty tired and have some guests here-"

"Sam," Carly suddenly added. "I wish we could find a guy for you too."

"Not Gibby – he's dating another model / singer." Freddie mentioned in passing.

"Seriously?" Carly asked.

Freddie nodded. "Yeah. Sure, a couple of men's online magazines said that Tasha could be the next 'sexy "it" babe', but he's done really well for himself again."

Sam winced. "Wow, how does he do it?" She shook her head in disbelief.

Carly continued. "It seems almost unfair-"

"No, Carls," Sam replied firmly. "I'm not looking right now."

"Well, when you decide to start dating again, maybe you should go with a guy more your speed - more of a bad boy."

"Nah," Sam replied. "It's really annoying worrying if your boyfriend might get you run back into juvie or violate his parole. Once you've been with a good guy whom you can trust, who treats you with respect, and who can love you for who you are without qualification, you figure out that the adrenaline rushes from the bad boy just are not worth it; there's just no going back." She yawned and stretched. "Look, I had better act like a nice hostess."

"Sure, Sam" Carly replied. "We had better contact Spencer, Gibby, and-"

Sam broke in. "Oh, wait a minute – they're all here." Sam opened the door and yelled for Melanie, Pam, Spencer, and Gibby. When she heard the responses, she turned back to the screen. "These should be everyone who needs to know immediately," Sam added as they came into the room.

Sam turned the laptop screen to face Melanie, Pam, Spencer, and Gibby. Carly waved at them. "Hi, everyone. What are you doing at Sam's?"

Melanie spoke first. "I came to get her copies of Joos and Courant & Hilbert." Freddie and Carly glanced at each other, shrugged, and then turned to look at Melanie quizzically. "Oh, I'm majoring in Mechanical Engineering." Melanie paused for a moment. "Sam got the electromagnetism skills, I guess," she added as an aside. "I need the books for the summer quarter next academic year - statics, dynamics, fluids, elastics. I'm trying to get out faster to keep the loans down after the scholarship."

Pam snickered. "As the first generation of Puckett women trying to go straight, we don't have much money to use."

Carly broke in. "Well, you probably could ask-"

"No, Carly," Pam replied firmly. "We agreed that we would try to completely break free from the influence of the criminal sides of the family and lead a less stressful life." Carly, Freddie, Sam, and Melanie nodded. "Sure, they would help if asked, but I think they secretly want the girls out of the 'Family Business' and succeeding legally."

"Good for you, ladies," Freddie said proudly. "I take it you, Spence, are there with Pam. What about you, Gib?"

Gibby shrugged. "My GF lives down here, remember?"

Carly leant back and nodded. "Oh, yeah. So you went with the rest of them." Gibby nodded; he hoped that neither Carly nor Freddie would follow-up. "In that case, have fun down there, Gibby."

Freddie then spoke up as Melanie, Pam, Spencer, and Gibby discreetly withdrew from the bedroom. "Sam, we mean it. If you want to talk about-"

Sam shook her head. "No, Freddie; I'm fine, really." Sam put the best wishes she had for her best friends at the front of her mind so that she could smile as genuinely as possible. "You know how tough I can be - and even if I weren't, you guys are the best."

Carly and Freddie laughed at her remark. "We won't keep you," Carly said. She waved and added, "Thanks for this. I love you, Sam."

Freddie waved as well, "I love you very much, Sam."

Sam waved back. "I love you, too." She then shut down the connection and turned off her computer.

Sam then opened her dresser drawer to pick out a change of clothes. She then closed the drawer, grabbed her robe and a towel, and finally walked to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door behind her. She then set the clothing down and turned on the water to a fairly warm setting. Steam began to lightly rise from the tub. Sam cupped her hands, got a hold of some water, and then splashed it into her face. She rubbed her eyes to wash her tears…

**Author's note:** This chapter was very personal to me. I have been on Sam's side of this chapter after some other people did "iCan't Take It" to me. My ex-GF at the time pleaded with me to help her in her relationship with the guy whom she broke up with me to go out with. They started seeing each other two days after we talked about moving in together. It was extraordinarily traumatic; I hope I portrayed it well.


	4. Act III

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

**Act III**

**#!/marissa/benson/sh**

Carly sat on Freddie's lap while she and Freddie made out in Colonel Shay's study. They heard a firm knock on the door. They broke apart as Colonel Shay opened the door and poked his head in. "Hey, you two lovebirds. Dinner is waiting for you."

Carly pushed her self off of Freddie's lap and stood up. "Thanks, Dad."

Freddie then stood up. "Um, Colonel Shay, is my Mom joining us?"

Steven Shay nodded. "She will probably be waiting for us."

Carly groaned. "I hope she's calmed down."

Steven smiled ruefully. "I hope her early start on the dinner wine will get her calmed down or get her to go so over the top that she needs to be taken to her room."

Freddie nodded. "She's likely to gloat. Bet on the latter." Carly and Steven Shay rolled their eyes. "She's also a stickler for manners – no leaving the table before we are finished with dinner."

Colonel Shay got a wicked smile on his face. "I'm on it." He then leant forward and spoke quietly. "After all the 'iCarly' you have filmed, I take it you know how to eat fast and drag out spoken parts of conversations, right?"

#### cameddie #### creddiam #### seddily #### sardie #### farlam #### framly ####

Carly and Freddie took their time cleaning up before dinner. When they arrived at the dining room, Marissa Benson and Steven Shay were sitting at consecutive sides of a plain square plastic table with a red-and-green-checkered table cloth on it. Colonel Shay gestured for Carly and Freddie to sit at the other two sides of the table. All four of them had dishes with Lasagna Florentine and garlic bread in them.

As Freddie pulled the chair out for Carly to sit in, she noticed that his mother had a significantly larger piece of lasagna than Colonel Shay's, whose piece was in turn much larger than those on hers and Freddie's plates. Moreover, Colonel Shay had also given Marissa a much larger volume of wine and larger pieces of garlic bread.

After Carly was seated, she smiled overly sweetly at Mrs. Benson as Freddie rushed to his seat. "I see Dad wanted to start you on the local spin of a classic dish." She and Freddie quickly cut off a piece of their lasagnas and started eating them quickly.

Marissa was about to speak when Colonel Shay held up his hand and nodded. "Yes. Not only do the ingredients vary across the country," he began. He paused for a moment as if to catch his breath before continuing, "but the spice and herb blends vary a bit as well."

Freddie nodded a bit as he finished his first mouthful. He then remarked, "I always wondered what 'Florentine' style dishes were and how they compare with other parts of the country. Spinach is obviously part of it. How are the spices and herbs different, Colonel Shay?"

Marissa spoke instead of Steven Shay. "Oh, c'mon, Freddikins," Marissa replied thickly. "Why don't you post your couple pictures on the website and tell everyone that you two are dating exclusively and your show will feature mostly you as a couple."

Steven looked reproachfully at Mrs. Benson. He chided her as Carly and Freddie each took quick gulps of water. "Let me answer his question first, Marissa." He then paused and waited for Carly and Freddie to cut another piece off their lasagnas. When they had put them into their mouths, he continued rather deliberately, cutting from his lasagna as he spoke. "Yes, Freddie. Florentine dishes typically have spinach and eggs, meat or fish – Sam would love the different ways ham is prepared in some markets around here." Carly and Freddie chuckled as they swallowed, took a bite of garlic bread, and then took a gulp of water while Colonel Shay ate a small piece of lasagna. He waited for them to take another slice of lasagna before continuing. "Local garden ingredients like mushrooms and pumpkin are used in side dishes or main dishes. Mostly red chili and green herbs are used along with garlic. It seems like they have a lot of tomato-based sauces here. Cheeses are typically Marzolino or Pecorino."

Marissa spoke up excitedly. "You should show some of the local cuisine as well as the art, architecture, and music! Maybe you should go out and bond and celebrate your romance with a well-mannered girlfriend for a change?"

While Carly a quick bite of garlic bread and quick drink of water, Freddie chewed his last piece of lasagna, swallowed quickly, and then deliberately reached for his glass of water. He took a long sip from it, then replaced it before replying to his mother. "We have been celebrating, in a sense, Mom." Marissa was about to comment when Freddie held up his arm and Carly started on her last piece of lasagna. "Besides, we have to leave on Thursday. That's only four more days."

Marissa waived him off. "Oh, Freddie. If it will help you, I can let you stay with Carly." Carly and Freddie rolled their eyes as Carly swallowed her last mouthful and then gulped down some water while Freddie quickly wolfed down some garlic bread. "When you have a girl worth keeping, I am willing to go the extra mile for you, dear."

Carly coughed as Freddie quickly finished his garlic bread. After taking some time to drink another sip of water, Carly forced a smile at Marissa Benson. "Mrs. Benson. Like the rest of us, his one and two date girlfriends have been inconsistent." Carly's smile turned upwards more forcefully as she got a glint in her eyes. Freddie began to drain his tumbler of water. "But I feel lucky that he thinks of me as the second woman he feels is worth keeping."

Freddie broke in quickly so that his mother couldn't break in. "Yeah. I learnt to set a high standard." Carly began to drain her tumbler of water and smiled into it while Freddie continued. "I've been really lucky that the two girls I have loved more than any other were worth being in a relationship with."

Now Colonel Shay broke in. "Have you two thought about maybe putting up a travelogue of Florence on the website?" Marissa's eyes widened as a big smile broke out on her face. Carly and Freddie looked at him querulously. "Why don't you two go around Florence tomorrow and film what you see and do and then post it with an announcement on the website?"

Marissa beamed as Carly replied, "Hey, that's a great idea, Dad!"

Freddie nodded as Marissa sat up tall in her chair. "I could start at the base and-"

"Nope – some of this is classified, Freddie," Steven Shay told him. "You may be able to use one of the base's media units, but don't film the base."

Freddie nodded. "Oh, I see."

Colonel Shay smiled at Freddie and Carly. With a slight movement of his brow and eyes, he bade them to finish what little there was of their meals. "Freddie, I recall that you are a Roman Catholic, right?" Freddie nodded. "There are some gorgeous churches around here. Some of the Roman ruins are great for tourists and, if you are in the mood, you could watch Liga Football."

Carly nodded as she started her last drink from her glass. After she finished, she said, "Thanks, Dad." She then turned to Freddie. "Let's plan this in the study on the computer."

Freddie nodded as he finished his water. "Great idea. Thanks, Colonel Shay."

Carly and Freddie rose from the table. They looked at Marissa. Carly spoke for both of them. "If you don't mind, we will work off of your great idea, Mrs. Benson."

As they quickly left the dining room, the could hear Mrs. Benson say, "You're welcome."

When they were out of earshot, Freddie mumbled quietly to Carly, "Wow, your dad really manoeuvered the conversation for us to get out before my mom went berserk."

Carly nodded as they made their way to the study. "Thank God." They quickly ducked into the room and shut its door. "Let's figure out how to plan the trip and then run it by Sam later."

Freddie shrugged. "You've been living here for over a year. I'll trust your judgement."

#### cameddie #### creddiam #### seddily #### sardie #### farlam #### framly ####

Sam opened the door to the bathroom, dressed for work. She saw that Cat was on her cell phone looking at her worriedly. "I know it probably will hurt, but I think your story will help Sam," to the other party.

Gibby grabbed her gently by the elbow. "Come on, Sam. Brunch."

Sam nodded. "Thanks, Gib," she mumbled as she dragged herself to the kitchen. Pam was lifting the lid from a Belgian waffle maker; Spencer was placing silverware next to some dishes on one side of the table; Cat was setting out maple syrup next to a butter dish, a small bowl of turbanado sugar, a citrus compote, and a jug of pineapple juice; lastly, Melanie was sprinkling a bit of salt into a pan with a bit of olive oil on the bottom that filled with Bird's Eye vegetables - corn, carrots, green beans, and asparagus by the looks of the mixture - that had a pat of butter on top. "Oh, sorry," she muttered as she looked for something to do.

Pam poured some batter from a bowl into the waffle maker before closing the lid. After she closed it, she quickly looked around the room. "Cat, can you finish this? I want Spencer and me to talk with Sam and Melanie while you finish cooking in here."

Cat nodded. "Sure, Mrs. Puckett."

Spencer put down the compote and spoon. He stepped next to Pam and touched her elbow as he said, "Thanks, Cat. Call us when you're done." He nodded at Sam, who then turned to walk to the living room.

"No worries, lovebirds," Cat replied playfully. Everyone in the kitchen giggled as Spencer guided Pam to the living room. "Just answer the door when Jade gets here."

"Sure thing, Cat," he called back as he and Pam were going out of earshot.

When he and Pam got to the couch, Sam was sitting on the table, so they sat to face her, holding hands. Sam looked at them expectantly. "Well, what's up?'

Pam nodded and leant forward. "I heard what Marissa said to you." Sam frowned. "Yes, of course I eavesdropped. I am your mother, after all."

Sam rolled her eyes. "**Now** you start to be a normal mother!" In the kitchen, Sam could hear the coffee grinder whirring.

Pam shrugged as she heard the waffle iron opening. "Besides, I can't let you try to steal my fiancé who, coincidentally, was your first crush, while you are on the rebound, now, can I, dear?"

"Pam!" Spencer yelled with disgust. He stared at his fiancée; his discomfiture was apparent. "Even before we started seeing each other, that would have be paedophilic and borderline incestuous, given how much time she's been with Carly!"

The kitchen went silent. Pam struggled to keep a straight face before she exploded laughing. Sam and Melanie stared at their mother in disbelief. An audible sigh went through the kitchen as the group in there resumed cooking. "In any event, although it's not pretty, you two and Spencer should know this in case Marissa goes too far again."

Spencer looked at his finacee doubtfully. "Why do I need to know, dear?"

Pam shrugged. "In case she decides Freddie should trade up from Carly instead of Sam."

Spencer frowned and shook his head. "Really, Pam-"

"Yes, really, Dear," Pam said curtly. "You know how often she has denigrated Carly because she thought Carly was using him." Spencer nodded slowly. "Do you really think that when Carly and Freddie have their first tiff that she will have any compunctions about trying to break them up?"

Spencer sighed and looked downward. "OK, I guess." The sound of plates being set down on a table rang through the apartment.

"Good." She patted him on the head. "Anyway, you know that Freddie was born out of wedlock." Sam's, Melanie's, and Spencer's heads shot up immediately. "Because she was a Deadhead polyamourist-"

Melanie was the first to recover. "Mom! Wait! Say that again?"

Pam was surprised by her lack of comprehension. She saw the similarly puzzled looks on the others' faces. "Ah. Let me back up."

She still had everyone at rapt attention. "Miss Marissa Benson-"

This time Spencer broke in. "**Miss** Benson?"

Pam nodded. "You know about the 'Fencing Bensons,' right?" Sam, Melanie, and Spencer nodded. "Didn't you ever wonder how the 'Fencing Bensons' could be in her family? The only way is if her, ahem, 'maiden' name were Benson; the only way she could be 'Misses' is if she married another Benson. What are the odds of that?"

Melanie shrugged. "It could have been like when Mrs. Shay died in Afghanistan or something except they weren't married."

Pam snickered. "Oh, yeah, something respectable was not happening to her back then. The original version of the abbreviation 'Mrs.' was more appropriate for her." The trio looked at her questioningly. "Duh – mistress!"

Sam laughed out loud. "So all the chizz she'd given me about my me being a 'bad girl' is not even close to her past?"

Pam giggled with her daughter. "That's right, dear." Spencer shook his head in disbelief as Melanie started laughing along with her family. "After she finished her degree in nursing in 1993 a semester early, her parents thought it would be OK for her to take the time off to relax. When she joined a polyamourous group of Grateful Dead fans, much to her parents' chagrine, she got more 'Sex and Drugs and Rock And Roll' than you can imagine."

Melanie broke in. "Polyamourous? Group dating?"

Pam nodded. "Yup. Eight men, twelve women, and many transitory – usually legal – members, if I remember correctly."

A disgusted, "ew," was the collective reply.

Melanie gestured for her mother to stop. "Wait, Mom. How do you know? Were you one of them?"

Pam straightened up and leant back slightly. "No way. I may have been, um, frequently sequential in my relationships, but I was always monogamous."

Sam and Melanie winced as Spencer shook his head. "So where do you come in, Honey?"

"I'll get there soon." Pam cleared her throat, picked up a glass of water, took a sip, and then continued. "She obviously didn't know who Freddie's father was. She got some blood tests done of everyone and got the candidate fathers down to two: Frederick and Edward."

Sam began laughing hysterically. "Fred-ward!"

Spencer added a nervous giggle. "Poor kid."

Melanie looked disgusted. "A portmanteau name?"

"Yup." Pam replied. Melanie added a hearty chuckle as Sam's laughter began to subside. "Then, to make matters worse, they didn't have much money after junk food, transport, and all. So even though they saved money when Marissa would barter with my friend Lena and whomever she was with at the time for drugs and munchies."

Spencer held up his hand. "Wait, barter for drugs and munchies?"

Pam shrugged. "I was never interested getting, um, roped into her kind of thing, but she sure didn't hide it."

"**Aw, Mom!**" Melanie and then Sam cried in disgust. They turned their heads away, closed their eyes, and shook their heads in a vain attempt to clear the images they had. When they failed, they regained their composure and then looked at their mother dyspepticly.

"You two recovered?" Pamela asked her daughters.

"Sort of," they mumbled.

"I see." Pam stopped momentarily. "And I gathered that Freddie's erstwhile fathers were, in a take-off of the parlance of the people who trashed Webicon at your panel, shipmates."

Spencer suddenly became dyspeptic. "Excuse me, ladies," he mumbled as he sprang from his seat and ran to the bathroom. He closed the door and began to wretch.

Sam, Mel, and Pam looked at each other, puzzled. When he had stopped momentarily, Pam called out, "Dear? Are you sick?"

"No - dry heave. I'll be OK once I get over the rather sickening reason for Freddie's name," Spencer replied.

"Hey, I didn't say they went down on their ship, now did I, honey?"

Sam and Melanie suddenly realised the ship pun, the mate pun, the "going down" pun, the punny ship-mate analogy, and the ship sinking analogy. "**Mom, stop it!**" they both yelled at the top of their lungs as Spencer emerged from the bathroom.

Spencer inhaled the smell of the cooking food as he eyed the twins warily. "Anything I should know?" he asked.

Pam was about to open her mouth when Sam and Melanie clamped their hands over it. "Do **not** tell him until you are alone," Sam growled, "got that?"

Pam nodded. The twins let her go and then she smirked lustily before winking at Spencer. She then turned to Sam and Melanie as Spencer resumed his place next to her. "Well, towards the end of that tour, the guys were down to washing their clothing in whatever river, pond, or mud bog they could. They got all sorts of mites and stuff in their bajas, jeans, and shirts. But their drug-addled minds didn't know or care. Some of them got what we now know is babesiosis from the ticks and died from it - including Fred and Ed."

Sam, Melanie, and Spencer had an urge to laugh but couldn't. Finally, Spencer snorted ruefully. "Wow. Her obsessive, overprotective treatment of Freddie suddenly makes a truly warped kind of sense."

Pam nodded solemnly. "And what happened after she returned home only hardened her."

The doorbell rang. Pam turned to Spencer. "Would you answer that, Honey?"

Spencer nodded. "Sure. That's probably Jade and Robbie." He got up and went to the door. Pam ogled him for a moment before turning to her daughters. "One of those times I am thankful I still look good in a string bikini."

"No you don't, mom," Sam muttered under her breath as Melanie shut her eyes and breathed deeply.

Spencer opened the door and greeted Jade and Robbie. "Hi, guys - Cat is in the kitchen finishing breakfast with everyone else."

Jade and Robbie entered. "Smells good," Jade commented. "Here, let's leave him with his future family," she said to Robbie as she guided him to the kitchen.

Spencer returned to his place next to Pam and then looked at her. "So what happened?" he asked as the sounds in the kitchen were starting to die down.

Pam nodded. "Marissa had Freddie and then started looking for work. But she had troubles at interviews when some of them remembered getting to know her, um, intimately but she usually didn't recognise them." Spencer shook his head, partly in disgust and partly in sympathy. Melanie wrinkled her nose while Sam chuckled nervously. "And whenever she got a job, she often ran into the parents of some of the, um, young adults she had got to know-"

"Young adults?" Spencer exclaimed.

"Spencer, don't you listen?" Pam asked, playfully incredulous. "I did say that the transitory members were 'usually legal' - just not always."

"O.M.G.!" Melanie spat out.

"Chizz!" Sam breathed.

Spencer just looked at her blankly. Pam took that as a cue to continue. "And she also learnt from her new, younger co-workers that the ties she had experienced were ties that bind-"

"Pam!" Spencer yelled as Melanie and Sam became increasingly green.

Pam shook her head. "I did say it wasn't pretty-"

"No, mom," Melanie broke in curtly.

"That was just an horrible pun." Sam finished for her twin.

Pam looked at everyone before starting to giggle. "Yeah." After she regained her composure, she added, "She couldn't stay at anywhere for more than a few months. So she went from temp job to temp job for several years, usually replacing those on some kind of leave. But she stayed with her parents, which allowed her to save money until she finally got permanent job. That's when she moved into Bushwell and you met them."

The twins stared at each other for a moment while the sound of the over opening could be heard. They then turned to their mother. Sam asked, "But then how did we not meet them?"

"Marissa regretted everything she had done and didn't want to associate with us," Pam replied simply. "Make no mistake – she remembers what happened to her and desperately wants to prevent that from happening to Freddie. Thus, until she got to Bushwell, she was not going to see us. I don't think she even knows who I am." Pam chuckled. "She's lucky that Kodak had not pushed their digital camera design and that internet connections were almost unheard of at the time or else she would have been prominently and frequently displayed for advertising on the biggest money-making and most common websites around."

After everyone turned green at this piece of information, they took a few moments to digest what Pam had said. Finally, Spencer found the wherewithal to speak up. "Wow." He turned to the twins. "And Sam, I heard what you said to them too."

"What, are you practising spying on me as your new, ugh, daughter?" Sam cried in mock-futility.

"Why yes, kiddo," Spencer said with a risibly fake air of authority. "What you did was incredibly thoughtful and generous."

Sam snorted, "Yeah, those two just turned me into milquetoast."

"No, Sam," Melanie replied. "Give yourself some credit - you gave them some great advice that will help their relationship. That's toughness and grit I don't think I have."

"Agreed, Dear," Pam added. "Far from being milquetoast, you showed heart and soul, Sam."

Sam dropped her head. "So what. The Creddiers will gloat and spam me with messages that remind me that nothing I could do would ever be enough to get Freddie back."

Spencer jumped from his seat angrily and threw his arms into the air. "That's enough, Sam!" he shouted. The sound of cooking stopped momentarily. After a few moments of silence, it started again. Spencer deliberately resumed his seat. He saw that he had the complete attention of the Puckett women before proceeding. "I hate to say it, Sam, but less than fifteen per-cent of high school romances end in marriage - and many of those require a shotgun. More than half end in divorce in the first six years. And all of those after that have far less than a fifty per-cent chance of lasting past 10 years than everyone else has-"

Sam broke in, "Yeah, but none of them are meant to be like they are and no one is as bad a person for Freddie to date as I am."

"**Sam!**" Pam, Melanie, and Spencer yelled simultaneous.

Pam said, "Carly gave you credit for helping her out, you know."

Melanie blurted, "Freddie did say he still loves you too."

And Spencer chipped in, "There is no such thing as, 'meant to be,' Sam." The women went silent as Spencer added, "Especially Carly and Freddie."

"Are you sure you're not on the drugs 'Crazy' took, Spence?" Sam asked disbelievingly.

Spencer shook his head. "You, Dear Sam, have spent too much time reading the iCarly website's chat pages."

Melanie broke in, "Spence - it was part of the job of running the web show."

Spencer turned towards her sharply. "That may be, but just because Freddie is right now the best thing that has happened to my little sister's life and blessed her with a huge leap in maturity doesn't mean that their relationship is going to be idyllic." They could hear murmuring coming from the kitchen as some silverware was clanking.

Sam pounded the table. "Spence - they don't have the baggage or regrets that I have. Don't you think that right now, I regret every insult, every prank, every wedgie, every spanking-"

"Must have inherited that from Marissa," Pam commented.

"-I have given him?" Pam's comment suddenly registered with Sam. "You really had to go there, Mom?" Pam blushed. "I keep thinking that if I had just been tough on him without being mean or had had Mel's ability to avoid the bad crowd when I was a kid that he might have seen me differently and I wouldn't have been so afraid of getting rebuffed."

Pam clapped her hands sharply. "Sam, you can't live in the past playing 'coulda-shoulda-woulda!'"

Melanie suddenly had a thought. "Sam, do you think that Carly and Freddie won't have problems?" Sam nodded. "Didn't you just ask Freddie not to be a doormat and Carly not to be manipulative?"

"Sure," Sam replied. "But Freddie kept persisting. Carly saw the light and knows better now. She could just take him being there for granted, but I had to scratch and claw for everything. They won't have many problems because they are obviously meant to be-"

Spencer sat up straight and looked Sam straight in the eye. "Sam, if couples were 'meant to be', I would have married my high school sweetheart, my college sweetheart, my law school sweetheart-"

"Law school, Spence?" Melanie broke in. "I thought you were only there for three days."

"Yeah, well, there's still orientation," Spencer commented weakly. "Besides, I made like the drop-outs in 'The Paper Chase' and kept pretending to keep up to stay with her."

Melanie laughed. "Oh, I bet she loved it when she asked you to help her study and you were clueless!"

Spencer took bright red. "Yeah, well." After a pause, he continued. "The point is, no matter how good your relationship is or how smoothly everything seems to be, you are still two different people in any relationship. Everyone has to work on their own relationships very hard - like your mom and I are. Carly doesn't really know yet except from watching you and Freddie."

Pam nodded firmly. "And that means a lot. If she still thinks those delusions apply to her and Freddie, they are already doomed as a couple and you are going to have to be the glue of your friendship. Even if they do work out - they are the best friends you ever had. You can't hold the candle for Freddie and you can't stay bitter - you have to move on." Sam and Melanie were both gesturing to speak when Pam hastily added, "Yes, it's like I can talk. Just learn from my mistakes."

Spencer noticed Jade and Cat emerging from the kitchen with full plates. He knew he needed to wrap this up for the moment. "And lastly - it is hard to not fall back into old habits when you get into a relationship with someone you have known a while."

Pam nodded solemnly as Robbie emerged from the kitchen. "Here, let's get some food while we finish up."

Sam, Melanie, and Spencer nodded and they all got up. As they made their way towards the kitchen, Spencer continued. "You and Freddie fought constantly when you were together because that's what you did before you started dating. But Freddie stood up from himself and knew you wouldn't respect him if he didn't." Sam nodded, conceding the point. "After being with you, Freddie - at least on a subconscious level – expects to be able to stand up for himself on some level; his friendship with Carly has had him be decidedly the beta-personality. That's going to be a problem." Spencer then turned to pick up a plate and started serving himself.

Pam then broke in. "How I viewed Spencer when he was 21 is not how I view him now. We both have grown up a lot in the interim; us comforting each other about you going missing was what made us look at each other as mature adults - and neither of us has ever done that before. And that's why most teen romances don't last."

Melanie knew this was the final point. "Look how far you and Freddie have come since he first started stalking Carly. You had to overcome a lot to see what you found in him. Then he had to reconcile you revealing your feelings in spite of nearly maiming each other for years. And then, even though you both knew that you loved each other, you also knew that you weren't quite right for each other then and broke up. That's really hard, Sam. You both grew up a lot."

Melanie paused for a moment as Sam hung her head. Pam got their attention and gave them each a plate. Sam straightened up as Pam turned to serve herself. When Sam could look her twin sister in the eye, Melanie continued. "And then you repudiated everything you had been when you rescued Carly, Freddie, and Gibby from Dana and the rest of your former friends. That's really hard, Sam. I hope Carly catches up. And you can't regret how things went. You can't change them. And you are going to have to grow up more again."

Sam nodded again. "Yeah. I just hope I mean something more to him than just being his friend Sam, because he's way more than a friend of mine and always will be." Sam looked at the table and stopped momentarily as Melanie started taking some food.

The lunch spread was enormous: oranges (mandarin, blood, cara cara, navel), grapefruit (yellow, red), lemon, lime in a compote with turbanado sugar powdered in a coffee mill; belgian waffles, maple syrup, freshly whipped cream, chocolate shavings, ham, steamed vegetables, coffee, ice cream, milk.

Melanie saw that Sam had not snarfed the ham yet and smiled. "Yes, we did this all for you. Plus me and Jade, I guess." Sam and Melanie filled their plates before going out to the living room. Everyone was sitting in a circle on the couch and tables.

Jade had an opening next to her, which she patted. Sam and Melanie sat next to her in that space. Cat then nodded at Jade and then gestured at Sam. Jade's looked down momentarily before nodding. She raised her head and spoke rather quietly. "Sam?"

Sam gulped down a piece of ham as she turned to face Jade. "'Sup?"

Jade perfunctorily cleared her throat. "Cat told me you needed to hear about how I lost the one I thought I was meant to be with." Sam nodded uneasily. "I dated this guy Beck through most of high school." Jade shifted uneasily as Sam turned to face her completely. "He was an amazing boyfriend and was great looking, but that also meant that virtually every other girl in school was after him - even though he was with me."

Sam and Melanie frowned as Gibby chimed in, "That's tough. I know the feeling."

Jade looked at his burly figure quizzically before Sam affirmed for him, "Really."

Jade shrugged, somewhat disbelievingly, before continuing. "Even worse, I was really independent and have this harsh streak that caused a lot of friction between us, but we had an honesty to our relationship that few high schoolers have."

Cat nodded and added, "That's why I wanted her to talk to you, Sam."

"Kinda figured, Cat," Sam replied.

Jade sighed to regain control of the conversation. "Along with all these girls bad-mouthing me while flinging themselves at him, I had this too-good-to-be-true-but-she-was frenemy, I guess, whom he seemed to like-" Sam rolled her eyes. "-and that just made my insecurity and jealousy worse." Sam nodded sympathetically. "Anyway, when graduation came, I had been recruited by a record company while he had decided to go to college. It turned out that I was doing low-level background work while his course load got pretty heavy. We grew apart pretty quickly." Jade started to sniffle and tear. "I keep regretting taking that company's offer to do background to cheesy teenie-bopper pop, 'cause I might have gone to college with him."

Robbie strode over to Cat, kissed her on the cheek, and then sat down next to her. "It's one of the many traps for people around her who try to get into show business. Singing contracts to be anonymous voices in the background. Being suckered into playing extras in a movie and not getting paid and no SAG card. It can be horrible." He then started eating his Belgian waffle with vanilla ice cream, the citrus compote, powdered sugar, and dark chocolate powder.

Sam finished one piece of her ham and began on the vegetables. "Have you tried to get him back? Or thought about going to college to get him back?"

Jade shook her head. "For us now, it's too late. I would be a couple of years behind him at college at best. He's also become a bit of a tease since he went to the music school." Jade looked up at nothing in particular, with a thousand yard stare. "Maybe in 10 years, we might become more compatible again. But I can't even hope it happens, or I would go nuts."

Sam sniffed and then held herself still. Melanie could see the pain in her eyes and gave her a hug. "I know, Sammy. It's not going to be easy. Shane broke up with me because I went to college. He didn't like his girlfriend to be better at science or engineering than he is." Melanie sighed. "But I can't dwell on him and you can't dwell on Carly and Freddie."

"But Freddie was the first nice guy who ever liked me. I don't know if another nice guy would want to be with Sam Puckett."

Melanie looked at her sternly. "You can't think like that, Sam."

"That's easy for Miss Priss to say!"

"Sam - if you keep straightening out like this, nice guys will find you."

Spencer leant forward. "Sam, you know I have had lots of girlfriends, right?" Sam nodded.

Pam smirked and sat back. "And you were never secretive of what you thought of the guys I dated." This time Sam and Melanie both rolled their eyes. "Not to mention how I was after your dad left." No one moved this time. "If you like the person and you break up or they move on to someone else, it always hurts, girls."

Gibby broke in. "Yeah - remember Tasha?"

Sam nodded as Melanie looked at her quizzically. "Teen model, Mel."

Melanie raised her eyebrows and nodded. "Good for him."

Gibby continued. "I was devastated when she dumped me. I just started an online relationship a couple of months ago."

"Another model/actress/singer," Spencer whispered.

"Yup!" Gibby chirped. "She came up to Seattle a couple of weeks ago; this time I came down to visit."

Sam beamed at Gibby. "She lives near here?" Gibby nodded and smiled. "That's great, Gibs. I'm glad you are doing well."

Cat smiled broadly. "Yeah, not everyone can be like Robbie and me."

"Thanks for the help, Cat," Jade murmured.

"Yeah, we're really lucky," Robbie added.

"**Not helping**!" Pam yelled.

Cat and Robbie looked at Pam with shock before they realised their gaffe. Cat blushed and whispered, "Sorry, everyone."

Spencer finished his breakfast and asked Gibby, Pam, and Melanie, "Hey, um, why don't we check into a hotel?"

Melanie responded first. "Not me, Spence - I'll commiserate with my sister." Pam smiled at the response and nodded to her.

Gibby followed up. "Not me either - my girlfriend's dad offered me a place to stay."

Spencer and Pam looked at each other wickedly. Pam then turned her head to address the group. "Well, then, in that case. Spencer and I will get a place."

Sam nodded. "Thanks, everyone." She looked around the room before adding. "We will have a few clients today, so Cat and I will understand if people don't want to hang out."

There was a murmur of general dissent. Finally, Jade spoke up. "Look, we'll hang around for a while." She looked at Sam and Melanie. "It looks like we three could stand hanging about and dealing with our guy issues."

Robbie piped up and added enthusiastically, "Cool. We can go to Karaoke later." This suggestion garnered general approval.

**Author's Note:** Believe it or not, I actually know someone who has been as almost as over-protective of her children as Marissa Benson is of hers who actually has the background I gave her here.


	5. Act IV

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, Doctor Who, Sam & Cat, VicTorious, or any of the songs in the forthcoming karaoke scene. I do own Pedoe's Geometry: a Comprehensive Course and Joos's Theoretical Physics.

**Act IV**

(If that didn't turn out, they were the music accidentals sharp, natural, and flat.)

_Marissa Benson stood imperiously at the three rows of people in front of her. She was dressed in the white robes of the President. Facing her were three people: Colonel Shay faced her, looking down into her eye, dressed in the black, silver, and diesel blue robes of a Castellan; Spencer stood up, ramrod straight, in the purple robes of a Chancellor; and Pam stood proudly tall, in the gold robes of Golden Asher. Sam was dressed in the traditional Prydonian red and orange – except that she had the image of a ham embroidered where the Prydonian Seal should have been._

_Freddie, Gibby, Carly, and Melanie were in the Heliotrope of the Patrexans; Cat, Jade, Trina, and Robbie were in the Green and Silver of the Arcalians. President Marissa nodded at the rest of the High Council. She stood up first, followed by the others, and then rose to a dais that stood atop an elevated platform to face Sam and her supporters; Castellan Steven, Chancellor Spencer, and Golden Asher Pam stood on the platform in front of the President._

_President Marissa opened procedings as was the Gallifreyan custom. "Sam Puckett - You are charged with the great crime of interfering in the life of my Fredward." Sam winced a she remembered what Freddie's name meant. "Because of your delinquent influence on all those around you, my little boy has chosen to be somewhat independent of my choices from him. However, Fredward has spoken most eloquently in your defence and has the corroboration of your defence of him both physically and emotionally from other bullies, as have his friends and associates. Your own evidence of having a successful business that helps single employed parents work to obtain the money needed to raise their children also supports their defence. Thus, your sentence is to allow yourself to be exiled from Freddie's love life as best I am able."_

_Sam, her eight supporters, and the other members of the High Council began to protest, but the Presidential Guards threatened them with their stasers. After calming down, Castellan Steven broke in. "You can be over-ruled by the rest of the High Council, Madame President."_

_President Marissa stopped for a moment before responding. "The sentence of exile for interference has precedent. You must allow for any reasonable modifications."_

_Golden Asher Pam stepped in front of Sam and Spencer. "Interference with Freddie has also made him stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He will eventually achieve more than he would have as the spineless creep he was when Carly and Sam first met him."_

_President Marissa reacted angrily. "He has never been either spineless or a creep."_

_Chancellor Spencer held up his hand. "Must we bring out the evidence of the Matrix again, Madam President?" President Marissa glared down at the High Council, who merely looked at her with bemusement. Chancellor Spencer then continued, "Those factors militate against further punishment. She must learn to cope with the pain of the exile."_

_Marissa nodded. "If I must." Then she smiled. "It will be nice to see the pain permanently etched on her face."_

_Sam broke in. "Hold it - I have a business to run that even you had to concede was important. I need to be able to function convincingly as an authority figure for those kids. I can't be moping about Freddie."_

_Marissa nodded. "In that case, you must choose the nature of your hurt now and what you might become."_

_"I'm trying minimise the hurt," Sam pointed out._

_"We shall see. Here are some choices for you. If you do not choose, one future will be chosen for you." Marissa pointed to a wall. "Here is your first option."_

_The first option could have been Sam trying to dress like her mother before Pam went to therapy. The clothes were loud, somewhat too tight, overly revealing, and far too skimpy for her age. She was leaving her job as a waitress at a dive bar to go to a bar where she mixed drinks and drank. She angrily glared at people who weren't males offering to buy her alcohol – the younger the better._

_Sam recoiled almost instinctively at the presentation. "No way that would do. I've seen what that looks like." She then turned to Golden Asher Pam. "Sorry, Mom." Golden Asher Pam bowed her head slightly and then smiled._

_The second version was no better. Sam was meeting with some crime boss who had an underage son who was ogling her. She pulled out a gun and checked it for bullets. She was dressed in what appeared to be a black body suit worn by Batgirl that was far too tight and somewhat restricted her movement._

_This time, Sam turned away in disgust and glared a President Marissa. "That won't do at all! That looks like what Carly said would have happened to me if Spencer had been born normal. She didn't want that and I certainly don't want that."_

_President Marissa shook her head. "Come now, you must choose, Samantha."_

_Sam was defiant. "Well, what kind of options are those?"_

"_Realistic ones, unlike this one that you seem to want." President Marissa then directed her attention to the wall._

_This time, Sam saw herself threatening business associates, screaming about money she needed before a syndicate got after her and yet another business venture of hers failed. She could see her friends far outside of her life, barely giving her a mind as she was looking for a gun as several men were coming to her door._

_This time, Castellan Steven broke in. "This is not a fair representation of her potential futures, Madame President."_

_Chancellor Spencer then added, "These look like your perception of who Sam is from a worse point of view than her old associates and the most fanatical Creddiers."_

_President Marissa smiled and cracked back with, "Those are her choices. If she doesn't want one, then I will make one for her far worse than-"_

_Golden Asher Pamela broke form, turned to face Marissa angrily, and then jumped onto the dais. "No, now we must over-ride you, Madame President. Sam has her life to live and must choose how to live it."_

_President Marissa shook her head with obvious contempt. "You heard her – she wants no pain."_

"_Do not twist her words, Madam President," Golden Asher Pamela responded harshly. "She did not ask for no pain; she wanted minimal pain." Golden Asher Pamela responded harshly. "She knows that even our over-riding Tribunal will not allow it. That would violate the ways of the Universe."_

_Sam had finally had enough. "Look, I have to get on with my life. I just want to do my best with what I have. You, Madam President, manipulated the information from The Matrix's timeline to fit your ideas and want to force me into a future to merely validate your opinion of me." She turned towards her friends and family behind her, then back towards the High Council. "All of Gallifrey must live with this alreation of the time line. I can deal with what's coming to me if you don't interfere with it any more."_

_President Marissa nodded. "I shall overlook your breach of decorum, which only re-inforces my beliefs that you are incorrigible. But next time, not even trivial breaches will be overlooked, you delinquent."_

Sam opened her eyes and glanced around her and Cat's bedroom. _Why did I spend the last four hours of babysitting yesterday watching, "The War Games"?_

#### cameddie #### creddiam #### seddily #### sardie #### farlam #### framly ####

Sam, Cat, Melanie, Jade, Pam, Robbie, and Spencer entered Nozu and looked at the Karaoke Jockey setting up the microphones in front of some large speakers next to his computer and sound system table. Robbie, Cat, and Jade frowned. Jade pointed towards the back of the restaurant and muttered, "He's going to drink a bit too much sake before he cranks the music too loud. Let's get to the back."

Sam, Melanie, Pam, and Spencer nodded gratefully for the advice and rushed to the back of the restaurant. They pushed three tables together and gathered seven chairs for themselves. Spencer paused momentarily before he gathered to more chairs. "Gibby and his girlfriend," he noted.

After a few minutes, they were all settled, each with a pseudo-bento-box of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and Vietnamese appetisers, soups, and salad combinations. Jade pulled out a USB stick from her purse and showed it to Melanie. "We have the songs in order?"

Melanie nodded. "Just give him the order we are singing in and tell him the songs are in the order we want."

Jade nodded and said, "Good," before she got up from the table.

While Jade was giving instructions to the KJ, Gibby came into the restaurant with his right arm around Trina Vega. Sam, and Melanie stared at him dumbfounded while Cat and Robbie whistled to get their attention. Robbie waved his arms wildly while Cat yelled breathily, "Trina, Gibby – Here!"

Jade came back from the KJ as sat as Gibby pulled out Trina's chair for her to sit. Jade sat across from them as Gibby gestured as if he were presenting Trina. "Here's my new sweetheart, Trina Vega."

Sam whispered to Jade, "Is she the kind of gal who goes for someone, um, offbeat?"

Jade nodded her head and muttered under her breath, "As long as he goes for something off key."

After a moment of stunned silence, the rest of the table congratulated the couple. After everyone quieted down, Spencer finally spoke for the group. "So, how did you two meet each other online?" He then eyeballed the other couples who winked slyly at him.

Gibby put his arm around Trina. "We were in one of those social groups for music, dance, and arts people looking for training that would allow us to relearn the basics and developing our skills." While he was talking, Spencer took out a pen and paper. He began writing quickly.

Jade, Cat, and Robbie nodded instinctively as Trina continued. "Yeah, we both had some raw skill, but we found that although we did some things well, there were some basic skills we just didn't have and that we wouldn't get better until we learnt them and then developed them. And we both needed some help with science and math."

Gibby then continued. "Luckily, there were a few people on the board who knew other people up and down the 'Left Coast' who could teach us mathematics, chemistry, and physics using our knowledge of the arts."

Sam perked up. "You mean like how three point perspective 'realistic' drawing is just the artistic equivalent of Desargues' theorem?"

Everyone abruptly stopped what they were doing to stare dumbfoundedly at Sam. Finally, Melanie spoke up. "Is that right"?

Sam nodded. "It's in an artistic geometry book by Pedoe from Dover that I have at home."

Melanie nodded and smiled conspiratorially at her twin. "Ah, like Joos."

Sam nodded. "The kids love the pictures."

Cat's eyes brightened. She turned to Jade. "That's what I was telling you about. Like how the pictures of sound patterns from speakers are like overblown analogies."

Jade looked at Cat dubiously. "Hyperbole?"

Cat nodded. "Yeah – hyperbolae."

Gibby finally came out of shock to ask, "Sam, how do you know this stuff? You hate school!"

Sam was trying to think up an answer when the KJ started the music blaring. "Welcome to Nozu, your favourite sushi and karaoke bar!"

While he spoke, Spencer passed his sheet of paper around the table. The others read it and nodded their approval as the KJ continued. "This is KJ-DJ, David Johnson, here to take you from 9pm to 2am. Now, if you're new here, it works like this. You read the lyrics on the little television screen here and then sing them into one of the mikes."

Pam whispered into Spencer's ear. "Solos and then duets for each couple?" Spencer nodded quickly as he got up and took the paper to the KJ"

The KJ paused as Spencer handed him his sheet. As Spencer returned to the table, the KJ added, "For you couples there, we do allow you to do a solo each and a duet every now and then. Just don't abuse the privilege." The rest of the restaurant stared momentarily at the group. Sam, Melanie, and Jade eyed the couples suspiciously. The KJ then continued, "Let's get things under way with Melanie P. with what I call, 'The Theme for February Fifteenth!"

Melanie stood up quickly, but walked somewhat deliberately to the central microphone. Meanwhile, Sam turned to Jade and asked, "A theme for 'Singles Day'?"

Jade shrugged as Melanie pulled the central microphone from its stand and looked down at the screen. The introduction to Jennette McCurdy's "Don't You Just Hate Those People" blared from the speakers.

Melanie belted the vocals with gusto. Sam and Jade nodded as they smiled at her and then relaxed into their seats. Pam and Spencer listened closely to the lyrics as Cat, Trina, Gibby, and Robbie engaged in their own conversation.

Pam then turned to Trina and asked, "Are they all going to do this?" she asked urgently in a whispy voice.

Trina shrugged. "Probably why they used a stick – that way we couldn't know what they were doing."

Pam gave her a sour look. "I am no going to let them get away with it. It is so on." She turned to Spencer to get him into a conversation why Trina brought in Cat, Gibby, and Robbie.

Once Melanie had finished, she headed back towards the group. The crowd applauded as Pam stood up and got in front of her and Spencer walked past here, paper in hand. Pam hugged her and whispered, "You can always stay single, you know – just not like I did," as Spencer spoke quickly with the KJ. She pulled away as Spencer returned and then she and Spencer led Melanie back to her seat.

As they sat down, the KJ then called out, "Next, we have what I assume is her twin sister, Sam P. She's singing a song from the star of a TV show whose videos always portray her male romantic interest with the same height, clothing style, hair style, and hair colour as her principal male co-star!"

Gibby broke from his conversation to ask the table, "What is this KJ, some kind of trivia show-off?"

As the introduction to Miranda Cosgrove's "What Are You Waiting For?" began, Robbie answered for the group. "Yup. He thinks that affectation makes him look smart."

Melanie and Jade began to laugh as the rest of the table rolled their eyes as Sam began the first verse.

By the time the second verse began, Spencer frowned and then looked at Pam, who, was looking concernedly at Melanie and Jade, who were staring at Sam with rapt attention. Pam turned to see Spencer's concerned look. She nodded at him and whispered, "Aside from what I think of her singing this, I have got to say that if the record company and television channel were working, um, media synergy like that, it was really manipulative."

Spencer made a rueful smile before he glanced at Sam and then back at Pam. "Will she listen to you?"

Pam gave him a dubious look. "Better if we both talk with the three of them." Spencer nodded as they both went back to watch Sam finish the song, singing it with almost depressive longing.

After Sam finished, the audience again cheered there approval as she nodded and went back to her seat. After she sat down, Pam and Spencer got her, Melanie's, and Jade's attention. "You can't wallow in your heartbreak and wish everything could be the way you want it to, girls."

Sam, Melanie, and Jade shrugged as the KJ then announced, "And next, fitting with the dark, dark place she likes to live, is Jade W performing a song linked to by Kelly Clarkson, Reba McEntire, Patti Smith, and Kate Mulgrew on YouTube!"

Sam, Melanie, Cat, Trina, Pam, Gibby, Robbie, and Spencer all shot their heads forward as Jade smiled as she pulled the microphone to her mouth. After a moment, the crashing arpeggiatura that starts Scarlett Pomers's "Insane" blared. They continued to listen to the music and read the lyrics as they went by on the screen.

After the first chorus, Cat laughed and blurted, "The perfect song for a bitter Jade!"

Robbie and Trina shot their heads at her as Gibby muttered, "**This** is the song those four all like in common?"

Robbie shrugged. "Um, I guess."

They continued to listen as Jade increased her breath support and projected her voice throughout the club. As the coda began to fade out, the crowd gave her an almost rambunctious response as she gestured for Sam and Melanie to join her on the microphone.

"This can't be good," Pam muttered to herself as the three began Queen's "Somebody to Love."

Trina tapped Jade on the shoulder as the three singles returned to the table. "Bitter enough, Jade?"

"Hey, it's a good day," Sam replied as a waitress came by the table to take some orders.

Trina smirked. "Well, it's on then." Jade, Melanie, and Sam studied her with suspicion as Cat was called up to perform Ariana Grande's, "Baby I." Robbie followed with another Ariana Grande joint, "Daydreamin'." Cat and Robbie each took a microphone and began the Sonny Bono – Cher duet, "I've Got You, Babe."

Trina and Gibby sang along with Spencer and Pam while Sam, Melanie, and Jade buried their heads in disgust.

Trina then followed up with Daniella Monet's "Lookin' Like Magic." Gibby then sang, "My Girl" by The Temptations. Trina then rejoined him to follow up with Jennifer Warnes's and Joe Cocker's "Up Where We Belong."

Spencer turned to the table. "Are all the couple love songs from before most of the people here were born?"

Pam pulled out her cell phone and began hunting down a list of romantic couples' most overplayed duets. After scanning a few sites, she replied, "Looks like." Spencer rolled his eyes as everyone else at the table glanced at each other.

Robbie then started pondering. "I wonder why these songs last."

Cat smiled and hugged his arm. "Maybe because they are the most romantic."

Jade and Melanie looked at Sam. Melanie spoke for both of them. "How do you manage to put up with that?"

Jade looked at Melanie. "Oh, trust me she has worse." Then she paused before looking back at Sam. "How do you manage?"

Sam shrugged. "She's better with the younger kids."

Pam turned and shot a look at them. "That can't be it?"

Sam shrugged again. "Hey, I learnt do deal with Carly's sappy romantic notions."

Melanie responded quickly, "Carly's not **that** bad, Sam."

"She seemed like it when we first met her in Third Grade, Mel."

Melanie nodded. "True."

Gibby and Trina finished their duet and went to the table. The KJ called other from the restaurant to the stage as Gibby and Trina sat down. Trina asked, "How were we?" as Gibby looked at the stage.

"Sickeningly sweet," Jade replied dryly.

Cat then shot back with, "Great, Trina!"

Pam then followed with, "My Love" by Petula Clark. Spencer continued with, "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. They then teamed up for, "It Takes Two" by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston.

Jade groaned, "Ugh, all this sucralose." She gestured to Sam and Melanie, who nodded and moved to the end of the table. They started pouring over the available songs in near silence.

The KJ then announced, "Um, I think we will give everyone else in here a chance with a couple of rotations."

After they returned to the table, Gibby saw their waitress coming and gestured at the group. "Hey, we've got to clear up – here comes more of our food and drink."

As they began to eat, Pam nudged Melanie in the side and asked, "Could you three do something more upbeat next time?"

Melanie was about to reply when Sam answered, "Only if the rest of you don't sing nauseating love songs."

Gibby mumbled through his food, "I guess not."

Spencer and Pam turned and shot him a look as Trina hugged him while Cat and Robbie smiled at him.

The couples looked at them suspiciously. "That doesn't look good," Robbie noted.

Spencer shook his head. "Thanks for stating the obvious, Robbie."

Gibby smiled as evilly as he could. "Well, then let's really uncork one!"

Trina looked at him quizzically. "Why only one?"

Pam smiled. "If we wait an extra rotation, we can do the solos and groups again."

Cat shook her head. "No, I don't want to stay up too late. It would be after 1am when we got up next. The other five nodded and began to look for another route.

Before their next turn after two rotations totalling an hour and a half, the KJ announced. "And now we come back to the Battle Royale from the groups that led us off tonight." He looked at the group of nine friends. "And it's going to get bloody. So everyone else, sit back and enjoy the bench-clearing brawl."

Melanie began the battle between the singles and the couples with, "Telephone Line" by the Electric Light Orchestra. Sam joined Melanie on stage; they followed up with Evanescence's "My Immortal." Sam followed her with, "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts. Jade then joined Sam on stage to sing, "So What?" by Pink. Then Sam Sat down as Jade continued the onslaught with, "For No One" by the Beatles. Then Melanie got up again to sing Michelle Branch's "Are You Happy Now?" with Jade.

Cat began the retaliation with "You're Still the One" by Shania Twain. Robbie then followed with "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal. They then teamed up for Barry White's, "You're the First, the Last, My Everything."

Sam turned to Jade and Melanie. "If the songs they do get really cheesy, I vote we don't wait for our next turn."

Jade was skeptical. "Maybe."

Meanwhile, Gibby performed "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole, Trina followed with, "Your Song" by Elton John, and then they teamed up for the Bee Gee's "How Deep Is Your Love."

Melanie then signaled to the coupled, "OK – if you don't give us something completely boring and predictable, we will not do our last song."

Pam nodded. "That's fair." She then turned to the group behind her, who were all dubious. She then performed, "The Way You Love Me" by Faith Hill. Spencer followed with, "Every Heartbeat" by Amy Grant. Their duet was "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

Jade, Sam, and Melanie had long since failed to plug their ears and sighed relaxedly after Spencer and Pam ended. Unfortunately, for them, the six others at the table then ended their performance with, "You're the One that I Want" from Grease.

"That'll teach you to start with that!" Pam yelled after they finished.

Jade whispered at the Puckett twins, "Here we go!"

As the six performers sat down, KJ-DJ then said, "And in retaliation, erm, as the reward for that, we have the Three B's ready to win their bet with me."

Jade, Melanie, and Sam sat up and quickly got to the stage and yanked the microphones from their stands with verve. They then leapt into the deceptively sweet-sounding, "Lovefool" by the Cardigans.


	6. Act V

**Act V**

**iOctothorpe**

**Author's note: **Thank you for all the reviews, follows, favourites, and readings. I wanted to send each of you a message privately, but I have not had much time recently with a deadline here at work. I hope to correct this omission in the near future.

I also want to apologise to all of my female friends whom I almost directly quoted for much of Carly's dialogue from here to the end. Sometimes the quotes were from us dating; other times the quotes were from them dating other old friends whom I knew very well. I wanted to show how seemingly being "meant to be" and how close, long-term friends in a relationship can have more problems than friends who weren't as close, friends over the shorter term, and even just long-term or short-term acquaintances. I wanted the problems that Carly and Freddie could encounter to be realistic; what could be more realistic than reality?

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Carly and Freddie returned from site seeing in Florence just in time for dinner. Carly gave Freddie a peck on the lips before saying, "Why don't you put the CDs next to the computer in the study and join me at dinner?"

Freddie nodded. "See you in a sec." Freddie took the CDs from his pocket and took them to the study as Carly went to the dining room.

When she arrived in the dining room, Marissa Benson was already seated with a half-empty carafe of wine in front of her. She had already taken octopus, dumplings, vegetables, and fruit salad onto her plate and had started eating. Carly sighed before yelling for Colonel Shay and Freddie to inform them that Marissa had already started.

Colonel Shay came running into the room with a collection of rolls in a basket as Carly sat at the table. "Marissa, I told you I would only be a few minutes and that the kids would still be a bit."

Marissa smiled impudently at him. "I wanted to be ready to ask the kids how their second day as a couple and first day in public went," she responded as Steven took his seat across from her and Carly began to serve herself.

Carly smiled overly sweetly as she quickly took her food. "It was a nice day with Freddie," she said as Freddie entered the room and her father began to put food on Freddie's plate "We filmed most of the last several hours around the city and will start editing it tonight to put it onto the iCarly website."

Freddie then sat as Colonel Shay pushed his plate in front of him. "Yeah. Carly and I need to get it done before we leave, Mom." Colonel Shay then began to put food on his own plate.

Freddie's mother frowned. "Why take so long, Freddie? Don't you want your fans to know that you have a nice girlfriend this time?"

Carly's smile dropped immediately. Freddie grunted before he answered her question. "Mom, it usually takes me a few hours to edit a five minute iCarly sketch. I have hours of material on those CDs; it could take me days to put together a decent video."

Marissa hurriedly finished chewing her mouthful of food as Carly continued. "Especially since the shots are mostly of Freddie or me in front of something. We need to add some voice-overs to explain why we went to, say, an ancient Roman Catholic Church."

Marissa still was not satisfied. "Oh, you kids. You haven't put much of anything up ever since Carly left for Italy. How can you deny your true fans the chance to celebrate that you two are dating a good person at last?"

Carly frowned as Freddie shook his head. Colonel Shay pointed at Marissa. "First, Marissa, I disagree with your characterisation of Sam; and second, I resent your implication that we agree with you."

Marissa laughed derisively as Carly and Freddie began eating quickly. When she stopped, she pointed at both kids. "Freddie, Carly – you need to eat more slowly. You want to savour your food and the dinner conversation." Carly kept going as Freddie slowed down a bit. "Come on, Steven, you must understand that I am relieved that Freddie isn't dating the gutter girl who will abuse him to post-concussion syndrome." Freddie accelerated his eating pace again.

Colonel Shay shook his head slowly. He then grumbled slowly, "Marissa, this is Carly's and Freddie's romance." Marissa was about to interrupt him when he held up his hand. "No, listen. I already said you have done more than enough."

Marissa cut in. "No, Steven, you all need to hear the truth." The kids kept eating as quickly as they could. "You are just upset that you didn't have the foresight to save your son from getting dragged into the life of that criminal family."

Steven rolled his eyes. "Given Pam's history, I am not happy, but I am willing to take her, Sam, and Melanie at their words that they all will be the first generation of both sides of the family to go straight."

Mrs. Benson wrinkled her brow and stared at Colonel Shay querulously. "You believed that malarkey? What kind of father are you?"

"One who doesn't have a past to be embarrassed about."

"That isn't relevant to anything here!" Freddie's mom yelled. Carly, Freddie, and Steven looked at her with surprise. "Once a criminal slut, always-"

Carly shot up from her chair and threw her napkin at Mrs. Benson. "**That's enough!**" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "Sam may have been many things, but slut was never one of them!" Carly turned to Freddie to encourage him to help her out as Marissa glared at him. "Marissa!" Carly said forcefully. Mrs. Benson gave Carly an apparently scandalised look. "Sam, Melanie, and Pam need all the help they can get from us. It's your loss if you can't accept that. Freddie and I know Sam better than anyone. She is going to be both honest and successful and we believe in her. Melanie **was** the black sheep of the family by never having been criminal; now her mother and twin sister have joined her. If Sam going to LA is what got Pam to straighten herself out, how can I argue? Besides, she seems to make Spencer happy and got him to get at steady job **and** to stay an artist."

At last, Freddie got up from his seat. "Mom, until you stop baiting us, maybe we should eat separately." He turned to Carly. They walked past Colonel Shay, grabbed each other's hand, muttered a simple, "I'm sorry, Sir" to him, and then exited the dining room.

As they walked down the hall, they heard complete silence in their wake. When they got to the study, Carly went to the chairs near the computer as Freddie closed the door behind them and locked it. Freddie turned around to look at Carly. Carly smiled a trifle weakly before she bade him to sit in the chair next to her. Freddie nodded in acknowledgement and went to the seat she indicated and sat down. Carly sat in his lap, put her arms around him, and then sighed and leaned her head against his.

She pulled her head away from his. They looked into each other's eyes. Carly could read Freddie's concern for her. She took a breath as Freddie asked, "OK, Carls, what's up?" Carly looked down at the floor before she looked back at him. "Is it Sam?"

Carly sighed again. "It's not just Sam." Freddie then sighed and nodded. "We only have until Thursday morning here. Your mom thinks that she's doing this for you and instead she's making it harder. I am afraid of putting the video on the site because the fans will assume too much."

Freddie shrugged. "Maybe I should put it up after I return home, regardless of what happens with us now." Carly shrugged in return. "We can announce whatever then."

Carly nodded. "That's the least of the problems."

Freddie snorted, "Unfortunately, we have to try to avoid Mom before we **really** snap."

Carly pulled him into a hug. She then whispered into his ear, "What about us? Can we figure ourselves out in three more days?" After a few moments, she pulled away to look into his face. She could see him thinking about her question.

After a few seconds, Freddie took a breath, opened his mouth, but did not speak. Freddie exhaled and then drew a breath again. "Maybe. Look, Carls, we can just focus on us as a couple. We talk, debate, or whatever instead of making out all the time."

Carly became concerned. "Wait, you don't want to make out?"

Freddie shook his head. "Of course I want to make out. I just want to do more."

Carly was shocked by what he had said. "What? You can't mean that you and me should, uh,-"

Freddie goggled at her. "**No!** **Wait!** **Carly!**" Carly laughed in relief. "I mean that we should see what we can do together – find some way to work both as a couple and as friends Carly and Freddie."

Carly smiled. "OK, Freddie. What did you think of today?"

Freddie thought for a moment before nodding. "Well, I did have you pick most of the spots because I don't know much about Florence. We did get to go to a lot of really cool places, aside from your brief shopping spree."

Carly looked downward as she blushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Freddie. I just saw the dresses in there. I figured if I didn't take too long then you wouldn't mind."

Freddie paused to lift her chin up with his thumb and forefinger. "I did a little." Carly sniffed as tears began to form in her eyes. "Carly?" Carly's tears kept welling up. "Carly?" he said more forcefully. Carly looked up at him with a stricken look on her face. Freddie shook his head and smiled at her warmly. "I think you picked more artsy places than I would have, but they were still pretty good to see."

Carly smiled demurely and glanced downward before looking at Freddie affectionately. "I was afraid that I had done that. But thanks for being honest but nice about it, Freddie."

Freddie smiled and put his arms around her. "Anything for you, Carls." He kissed her lightly for a few seconds before pulling back. "What do we do until I leave?"

Carly kissed him lightly before responding. "I need to go to school, but I want to see you away Thursday morning. I'll see you off at the airport."

Freddie smiled before kissing Carly more deeply than before. He pulled back, sighed, and then touched her forehead with his before continuing. "I figured. I will go out during the day while you're at school on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday, after you get back from school, we can do more together and see how we feel."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Carly replied with a voice that sounded a little downcast. Freddie looked at her questioningly. "Yes, it's both the rush and Sam."

Freddie nodded and sighed. Carly and he broke their hug and sat the two chairs in the room. Freddie sighed again as Carly sat up in her chair. "I think we are doing the best for a rush, don't you think?"

"Your Mom's not helping-"

Freddie laughed. "Aside from that." Carly smiled at him. "Is the rush harming us anywhere else?"

Carly nodded. "Maybe. You did let me just pick everywhere to go today. I know you had a good reason, but you also didn't say anything when I went shopping. Why didn't you say anything?"

Freddie shrugged. "It was quick for you, so it seemed minor."

Carly's eyes bugged out. "'Quick for me?'" Freddie shrugged again. "Is that you just letting me boss you?"

Freddie got up and paced for a moment. "Not really. I didn't know I was coming here and had no chance to check out where to go, so it seemed intelligent to trust your judgement."

"What are you going to do when I'm at school, Freddie?"

Freddie shrugged. "I figured we would do homework together, even if it is a different set of subjects, so I was going to do a bit more checking up on things that would interest me in Florence that you probably wouldn't like."

"See, Freddie," Carly blurted. "Is this what Sam was talking about? Are you hiding part of yourself to make the relationship smoother?"

"No, Carls!" Freddie replied indignantly. "It just seemed better for us to do things together in my short time here that we both like."

Carly started pacing this time. "Chiz. This completely honest way of doing things is hard. And we have to worry about falling into our old patterns too." She stopped and turned to look helplessly at Freddie.

Freddie shook his head. "No, it's not, Carls." Carly's look became almost stricken. "You are letting the issues we had as friends and your old relationships cloud your opinion of us as a couple."

Carly asked desperately, "But what if we start fighting because we don't lie to smooth things over?"

Freddie held up his hand and spoke with a level voice. "We know each other so well. We would each know when the other is lying." Carly chuckled light-heartedly. Freddie continued. "And even if we fight, the other one is there to make up and hug." Carly gave Freddie a dubious look. This time Freddie shrugged. "And, if it got out of hand, we always have Sam to straighten us out!" Freddie started to laugh but Carly hung her head. He again picked her head up with his hand. "Carls, what's wrong?"

Carly sniffed. "That only works if we can see each other. With the vid-chat, there could be connection problems or we could ignore each other."

Freddie nodded and sighed. "True." Carly looked up at him. She could see that he was thinking of how to elaborate. "But the truthful way is the best way. Any lie hurts us as a couple and as friends."

"Friends!" Carly exclaimed as she threw her hands in the air. "That's making this harder for me!"

"Carly," Freddie began, "You have to learn how to do this. I know it sounds odd to you, but a bit of debate and such like a toned-down version of Sam and me is healthy. We will always know where the other stands."

Carly shook her head. "But when you're with 'the one', it's supposed to be easy, right?"

Freddie shook his head. "Don't you remember what Sam told us?" Carly lowered her head and nodded. "It's not like that, Carls. We will eventually disagree. In fact, if we didn't disagree sometimes, neither of us would grow, we would stagnate as a couple, and it would become boring. Either that or we'd be lying to each other and to ourselves."

Carly spoke to the ground. "I'm not as good at this in a relationship as you." Carly raised her head to look at Freddie and then sighed again. "How would we know the difference between being nice and trying to expand our minds rather than just letting the other dominate?'

Freddie laughed heartily. Carly looked at him quizzically. After Freddie settled down, he turned to the computer and turned it on. He then took Carly's cell and, turned to face her, and then flipped it to here. "Call Sam and ask. If she's near her laptop, we can get on the iCarly chat site and discuss it there."

Carly nodded and smiled. "Good idea Freddie."

Freddie chuckled. "Besides, we both know that we want to check up on her anyway."

Carly shot him a fake-dirty look as she dialed Sam's number. Carly sat back in her chair as Freddie began to set-up the VPN to the iCarly site. After a couple of rings, Sam answered the phone. "Sam and Cat's Super Rockin' Fun-Time Babysitting Service."

Carly giggled as she replied, "Sam, are you **ever** going to change that name?"

Sam groaned while Melanie failed to stifle her laughter. "Not after we filed the papers with that dumb name to the stupid IRS. We would have to pay a fee to change it and then our business taxes that year would be too complex for even me."

Freddie jumped up to the phone. "Sam, are you near your laptop so that we can vid-chat?"

"Sure. Give me a minute. Do you mind if Mel is on the call?"

Carly and Freddie responded simultaneously, "No."

Freddie finished linking into the iCarly website. After a few moments, Sam and Melanie appeared from Sam's living room. Freddie nodded. "Cool."

Carly then appeared next to Freddie and held his hand. "Freddie and I want to know how to tell when one of us is manipulating or otherwise coercing the other into doing something I want but Freddie might not."

Carly and Freddie could hear the twins laughing before replying. Melanie spoke first. "Good job Carls, going from generic to specifically you over Freddie!"

Sam continued. "Anyway, the answer is easy – Freddie, did you do something that you knew would be uncomfortable, boring, or just not your thing and didn't say a peep?"

Freddie responded quickly. "Aside from an impromptu jaunt into a clothing story, no, but I let Carly decide the itinerary because I don't know much about Florence."

Melanie shrugged. "Then what's the problem?"

Freddie blurted quickly, "I let her make the decisions."

Sam and Melanie looked at each other and sighed, as if it had been just one of them with a mirror image. Sam turned to face Carly and Freddie. "The only problem is if you do something you really didn't want to do and either didn't feel free to say anything or said something and she still didn't listen."

Freddie nodded. "Nope, really none of that."

Melanie quickly jumped in. "Then there's no problem. Maybe Freddie should largely direct the next time you go out."

Carly's eyes went wide with delight. "Awesome! Thanks, Sam and Mel!" Sam and Melanie chuckled. Carly frowned, put her hand on her hips, and then glared at the two of them. She could not understand what they found so funny. "What was that all about?"

Sam nodded and sat up straight. "Maybe I should not have helped out at the beginning. You two are so self-conscious about this."

Carly shook her head. "No, Sam. I had to know all that. We wouldn't have a chance without that."

Melanie and Sam were dubious. Melanie spoke this time. "Are you sure?"

Carly and Freddie stopped for a moment. Carly recovered first. "Positive. I don't want to chase Freddie away by manipulating him or taking advantage of his good nature and our friendship."

Melanie nodded and then replied, "Then you two are fine, Carly."

Carly could not reconcile what they were saying with how she had conducted her previous relationships. Then she remembered that Freddie obviously knew more about a good relationship than she did even though she had had more relationships – his and Sam's was more honest than any of hers. And then she was overcome by a wave of guilt. "Freddie doesn't deserve having me unlearn all my mistakes with him."

Freddie's face turned red as Sam cut in quickly. "Hold on, Carly. Maybe you should ask Freddie about that first?" The twins glance at Freddie behind her.

Carly turned around. "Freddie?" she asked defeatedly.

Freddie smiled broadly at her. "I can help you learn. If we can make it work, we need to get there anyway. And you were the first girl and first non-geek to take an interest in me. I owe you more than you can know. I would be more than willing to be your guinea pig for learning about an honest relationship."

Sam cut in to loosen everyone up. "How much will the cage with the feeder, fake grass, and wheel cost, Carly?"

Freddie and Carly turned sharply towards the screen as Melanie slapped her twin in the arm. "Sam!"

Sam laughed uproariously. "Now that I have your attention – seriously, Carly, take Freddie up on his offer. Spencer said that learning from Freddie about this could be the best thing that ever happens to you." Carly and Freddie stared at the twins in surprise.

Melanie added excitedly. "Yeah – and Gibby and Mom agreed. Look, if nothing else, you can end it on Wednesday night, right?" Carly and Freddie nodded. "Not only do you have nothing to lose, but you two will grow as friends because, for once, Carly is learning something social from Freddie!"

They all chuckled as Sam added, "Wow – I never thought I would hear anything like **that**!" They all gave a chuckle again.

Freddie spoke when the all settled down. "Thanks, Sam and Mel." He then moved forward. "Hey, Sam. We filmed where we went and what we did today in Florence. I am going to edit it when I get back to Seattle."

Sam nodded. "Sure. Why did you need to ask me?"

Carly rocked on her feet for a moment before looking at Freddie, who nodded and smiled warmly back at her. Carly then looked at the twins. "We want to edit it like we are not considering dating."

Melanie and Sam looked incredulous. Melanie finally said, "Why would you do that?"

Carly shrugged. "Freddie and I feel rushed because he's leaving Thursday. I don't want this hanging over my head; I have the International Baccalaureate exam next month. If Freddie and I aren't certain we can work, we're going to act for everyone else like nothing really happened."

Sam frowned. "What about trying long distance?"

Carly chuckled nervously. "No, it's not that, Sam."

Melanie sat up and looked at Carly and Freddie. "What is it?"

"It's hard to explain, Mel," Carly replied somewhat dejectedly.

Freddie chimed in, "the distance is an issue, but the real problem is, well, it's us."

Sam and Melanie shook their heads as if they were an image and its mirror. Sam replied next, "What's the big deal? Freddie's one of your best friends. If you don't work out, then you do what we did, more or less – go back to what you were before. And it's almost as if Freddie had been created for you, Carls."

Freddie blushed as Carly laughed. "Maybe, but there's more than that, Sam." Sam and Melanie stared at her. "It's weird – I have less to lose with Freddie than I do with other boys, but it feels like if we start dating and it doesn't work out, it's going to hurt more."

Sam shook her head. "You can't be saying that you'd fall out as friends, right?"

Carly and Freddie shook their heads vigourously. Freddie replied, "No, definitely not. But after we broke up, Sam, it really hurt even though we had said that we loved each other and we were even closer friends. It hurt more than anything else ever had in my life."

Carly nodded. "Yeah. This matters more – a lot more – to me than any other relationship because Freddie means more to me than any other boy ever has."

Sam and Melanie glanced at each other. Sam then turned to Carly and Freddie. "It does hurt more if it doesn't work with a close friend." Sam paused momentarily to take a drink. "But the potential rewards are that much greater too."

Carly shrugged frustratedly. "It isn't just that, Sam."

Melanie spoke this time. "Then what else is there?"

"It's also because, like Sam said, I've always just tried to seem like the perfect girl for every boy." Carly shook her head in disgust. "I think I really was a phony when I thought I was being nice and just trying to be a good girlfriend. Even after our talk just now, I don't think I know how to be myself with Freddie because he's a boy I love."

Melanie grinned as both she and Sam exclaimed, "**I've got it!**" The twins both looked at each other as the four friends laughed uproariously.

Sam gestured for Melanie to continue. Melanie smiled. "Here's a way to eat your cake and have it too. Why don't you two just go out as Carly and Freddie, friends, except that you hold hands and kiss each other, etc., like a couple?"

Carly and Freddie both stood up and leant back in their seats. Carly realised that her attitude of "friend or boyfriend" was a false dichotomy.

Sam continued for her twin. "Yeah, you two are friends first. That has to be the basis of your relationship. You are friends who happen to be in love." Sam's voice appeared to crack slightly.

Melanie appeared to look at Sam with a concerned face before turning to face Carly and Freddie, who were looking at each other in thought. She cleared her throat to get their attention. When they turned back to face her, she added, "That way, Carls, you can feel and act like yourself and it won't be awkward."

Sam chuckled lightly. "And if Freddie can push back as if I were around if you do something he's not cool with, it won't feel as if something huge is riding on the decision."

Melanie smiled. "Yup – you can make mistakes and not worry."

Freddie laughed. "Yeah. It's not like I haven't made mistakes in front of Carly."

Carly turned to him and poked him in the gut. "More than you can know." She could see his muscles relaxed as she fell into a more familiar tone and style.

Freddie giggled back and poked the sides of her abdomen. "I'd rather be ignorant, Carls." They pulled each other in for a quick kiss before separating. They smiled at each other for a few moments before turning to Sam and Melanie. "Wow, that's the most relaxed I've been since I got here."

Carly smiled. "Thanks for the great advice – I feel so much less stressed."

Sam and Melanie smiled and nodded. Melanie spoke again. "Great, Carls and Freddie."

Sam continued, "Glad we could help."

Melanie then broke in. "I'll stay here until the weekend. We should talk Wednesday night for you to see how you're doing."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, in case there's anything last minute we can help you with."

Carly smiled and held Freddie's hand. "Thanks, you two." Freddie pointed at the digital clock on the computer. Carly nodded. "I've got school tomorrow, so I had better go."

Melanie nodded as Sam replied, "Sure. Talk to you no later than Wednesday."

"OK," Carly said. "We love you."

Sam grinned happily. "We love you too."

Freddie shut down the vid-chat and turned off the computer. Carly watched him turn and smile warmly at her. She decided to speak her mind. "I never thought about how brave Sam was to let you know how she felt. She went through all this alone because she didn't say anything to anyone."

Carly saw Freddie hold his arms out to hug her. She fell gratefully into them and hugged him back. Freddie whispered quietly into her ear. "Yeah. We always think about how physically brave she is, but she's even stronger emotionally now."

Carly pulled back slightly to face him, but still they remained in each other's arms. "I know. And she covers up her hurt if something goes wrong." Freddie nodded. "Melanie told me that Sam used to lie to protect her parents when she would take the brunt of the violence from their associates."

"No wonder Melanie went for the scholarship to the boarding school." Freddie shook his head, as if he were trying to clear a vision from it. He pulled Carly into a hug. "I'm glad I got to know the three of you, Carly."

"Me too, Freddie." Carly sighed contentedly as she leant her head into the crook of his neck. After a few moments, she leant her head away from Freddie and looked at his face affectionately. "Why don't we plan our time together tonight? That will take a bit of the pressure off this week."

Freddie nodded. "Yeah. And it gives us something to look forward to each day."

Carly smiled. "Thanks, Freddie. Now, you want to do something more sciency, right?"

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Spencer and Pam entered Sam and Cat's apartment carrying bags filled with hamburgers, hot dogs, potato skins, fried veggies, and fruit punch. Sam, Melanie, Cat, Robbie, Jade, Gibby, and Trina got up from the chairs and made their way to the island in the kitchen. They quickly divided up the food and then sat down in the living room. The three couples, Pam and Spencer, Trina and Gibby, and Cat and Robbie, sat in pairs on either side of the couch and in front of it. Sam, Melanie, and Jade sat on the couch and ate silently as the couples chatted quietly among themselves.

After several minutes, Jade spoke up for the singles. "So, who's leaving when?"

Gibby took a firm hold of Trina's hand. "I need to get back this afternoon for school tomorrow." He then turned to Trina and whispered, "Sorry, Dear." They then kissed quickly.

Pam put her hand on Spencer's thigh and then shook her head at him. She then replied, "We are both on a late afternoon flight back to Seattle tonight."

Spencer then turned towards Gibby. "Which flight are you on?"

"Southwest 397."

Spencer broke into a huge grin. "Same here. You want us to sit together?"

Gibby nodded. "Sure. We need to get there about 4pm then."

Pam smiled at the group. "Of course, Gibby." She then looked at Melanie along with everyone else. "What about you, Mellie?"

Melanie glanced at Sam and then looked around at everyone else. "If Sammie is OK with it, I was thinking about staying until Friday, when my between-quarter break ends."

Sam quickly choked down a mouthful of food. "Of course, Sis. I can stand the break from the pressures and pretensions of my classmates – not to mention avoiding Johnathan without others to help out."

Pam frowned at what her daughter had said. "What happened with him, Dear?"

Sam broke in for her sister. "He thinks women shouldn't be technically competent – two in a row with Shane."

Melanie shook her head. "No, we can be competent, but we have got to be clearly inferior."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Oh, chizz – one of **those**."

Trina shook her head. "What next, do they want the repeal of the Nineteenth Amendment?"

Gibby chimed in. "It struck down that restrictive rule."

"OK, **stop**!" Jade yelled. When she heard silence, she added, "Let's not regress to elementary school, everyone."

Robbie looked at her dubiously. "There are only three years between elementary school and high school, right?"

Cat grabbed her boyfriend's hand and attempted to buttress his argument. "Yeah, it's not as if we have to regress that far!"

"Some less than others," Melanie whispered to Sam and Jade, who then had to stifle their laughter.

Pam Puckett then sat up and put her arms up. She then turned to address Sam, Melanie, and Jade. "So, was last night cathartic enough for you three?"

Jade wrinkled her brow. "Cathartic? How?"

Pam smiled to herself ruefully and lightly shook her head. "I thought as much." She then looked at the group to make sure that she had their attention. "In case you three were merely getting your anger on last night, the rest of us decided to help you before Gibby, Spencer, and I left. So what did the rest of you want to do?"

Trina sat up. "Gibby and I thought that the 'box shaped heart' idea might be the best."

Cat turned sharply towards her. "You mean 'heart shaped box' like chocolates for her to eat?"

Gibby shook his head. "Nope. A 'box shaped heart.'"

Cat frowned. "I don't get it."

Trina turned towards Cat. "I **was** going to explain it, Cat."

Cat leant back slightly. "OK."

Trina then cleared her throat. "This was how Gibby and I met online. He had had another break-up and was trying to figure out how to deal with it. I suggested this idea to make all the figurative sayings about being dumped and making them more concrete and tangible to make them easier to deal with."

Sam, Melanie, and Jade gave her a cynical look. Robbie then spoke for Cat. "This works?"

Trina shrugged. "It's what my personal trainer and my vocal coach both say I should do for stress management."

Spencer nodded. "That's kind of like the mental exercise they tell me at work to keep us from taking our work problems home."

Pam nodded. "And vice-versa for some people."

Jade breathed, "Hokay," as Sam and Melanie shrugged. "It can't hurt."

Trina smiled at the three unattached women. "Let's finish up and then do this. It won't take long, but we need to get Gibby, Spencer, and Pam out in a couple of hours."

After they all had finished their meals, started the dishwasher, and cleaned up, the group returned to their positions in front of Sam, Melanie, and Jade on the couch. Pam started the session. "This is a bit different from what the work stress experts say, because you are not leaving your work problems outside of you at another location." Sam, Melanie, and Jade nodded at her apprehensively. "Feel free to ask questions if you want to know why Trina asks you to do something. Close your eyes and let Trina lead you from here."

The three females on the couch closed their eyes. Trina then spoke. "Lean back and relax, but with good posture – you want everyone to know that you are proud of who you are." They responded slowly, but eventually sat up proudly in their seats.

Trina nodded before continuing. "Think about your heart with the guy. Think of how you met, how you got to know each other, when you fell in love, when you dated. Picture your heart then." First Jade, then Melanie, and finally Sam had tiny smiles on their faces. Meanwhile, Gibby, Spencer, and Pam took out a pecan, a walnut, and a brazil nut respectively. "It's whole, happy, and calm but excited." The three ladies nodded happily as Spencer, Gibby, and Pam put nutcrackers around the nuts in their hands.

Trina involuntarily sighed. Sam, Melanie, and Jade held their breath in apprehensive response. "Then, you break up and the guys do something that hurts you." Pam, Spencer, and Gibby all cracked the nuts simultaneously, which startled the three women on the couch, who squeaked in apparent pain and appeared to shrink in response to a jab to their chests and slouched backwards onto the couch. They then closed their eyes more tightly as if they were fighting back tears and trying to close their eyes to their hearts at the same time.

Jade grumbled, "What was the point of that?" Sam and Melanie nodded in agreement.

Trina calmly replied, "Your heart should literally be broken – cracked. Except it's not the figurative broken heart; it's a real break. You need to take the pieces and reassemble them as best you can. Obviously, some part of it will not quite fit right and little pieces will be too small to handle. You need to put them into a little box. When you reassemble your heart, leave room for that box."

Sam frowned. "Why didn't you say so earlier? Now nothing is going to fit quite right."

"Exactly," Trina replied.

Jade added her voice in protest. "What is the point? It won't fit quite right, the pieces don't quite fit together, it'll be harder to put together, and the box will hurt more going in."

"Yup," Trina affirmed.

Melanie clenched her fists are her face reddened. She growled, "You better give me a reason right now for this exercise or I am going to get one of Sam's butter socks out!"

Trina leant backwards after Melanie's comment. "The idea is to make the pain and healing physical as well as psychological. The physical pain dulls with time, and you should associate that with your emotional pain. It's always going to be there, but you will heal and recover."

"Either you do something like this or you go through guys like I did, girls," Pam added.

"We'll keep going!" the trio said as a chorus.

Pam shrugged. "Wow, that was the first time anything was easy with the twins." Cat, Robbie, Spencer, and Gibby all shot her a puzzled look.

Trina calmly moved on. "Now you have your heart largely put together. I am going to give you a small box. It should be a bit more than double the size of your leftover pieces but should still fit in the place you made for it in your heart. Now take all the small pieces and dust and scoop them into the small box. Don't worry about getting all of it – you can't. Think of everything that they ever did to you after your relationship that hurt you. Put that in there. Because you are all friends with your exes, this should be very small. Now think of what makes them your friend, what you loved about them, what they loved about you, what you still love about them, what they still love about you, all the good feelings you have for them, and all the good feelings they have for you. This will be large. Take enough to double the volume of the box's contents. You can force everything to fit. Now take that box and place it in your heart. It's going to hurt putting that in. Now, take from the rest of your feelings of friendship and love for them and use them to patch everything up so that everything stays together. Now your heart, although strained and hurting, is whole again. Sure, you lost some of it, but that's what you gave to them. The part of the healing you got from them, from us, from your loved ones – that's what makes you you. Now put your heart back where it belongs. You can view those feelings when you want to or need to, but they are in this one spot, not affecting everything else in your life disproportionately." The three women on the couch sighed in relief. "Now, open your eyes and welcome back."

Sam, Melanie, and Jade opened their eyes and then glanced at each other. Jade spoke to the twins. "Well, it can't hurt as a metaphor, can it?" Sam and Melanie shrugged at her. Jade turned to face Trina. "Thanks, Trina. If nothing else, I get the healing process better." Sam and Melanie nodded in agreement.

Trina smiled. "We should talk about any issues you still have while we're all here. You never know what's really important until you say it."

Pam broke in. "Actually, before we go any further, I think I can help get this going." Trina looked at her, puzzled, while Sam, Melanie, and Spencer nodded knowingly and Robbie and Cat stared at Pam in confusion. "I need to follow through on what my impending marriage will be – Sam and Mel need a mother and a father who will help them and support them."

Sam and Melanie blushed as Spencer sat up and grabbed one of Pam's hands. "Sam, you have no idea how much you have impressed us by making this business work in spite of all the regulations and recouping of the tax money you needed to do."

Pam nodded and addressed Sam forcefully. "Sam, I so regret not guiding you better and then making you think that I didn't care. I will keep contact and make sure you are OK. If you want to go to college later, then we will support you." Pam smiled innocently. "I won't presume to give unsolicited advice on your business." She then turned to her other twin daughter. "And Melanie, you don't need to depend on getting scholarships to keep going. If you need us to, we will make sure you can get through to a real career."

Spencer interjected, "We are your parents. Carly is more your cousin or sister now than aunt. We were always going to be friends, but we are family now, and we should treat it that way."

"Thanks, Mom, Spence," Sam and Mel replied simultaneously.

Trina then turned to Jade. "I know you never thought a whole lot of me. But Cat has been your friend for years, Tori will help you if she can-" Jade's eyes bugged out. "-Yes, she will. And Sam and you have hit it off and you have Mel, Carly, Freddie, Pam, and Spencer to help. You don't have to be a loner." She then looked at Sam, Mel, and Jade. "And, of course, you have me too."

Jade nodded sheepishly. "Thanks, Trina. I never even really thought of you as my friend before."

Trina smiled. "Yeah, I'm setting a dangerous precedent."

Melanie then turned towards Sam. "Sam?" Sam turned to face her. "Look, I really missed the twin connection-"

"You mean like when you said that because you had Carly's taste in guy's interests and my taste in guy's personality, so you knew what we both felt for Freddie?"

Melanie harrumphed as the rest of the room stifled uncomfortable giggles. "Something like that." Once she fully regained her composure, she continued, "I wish I had been much closer to you than just a vid chat. Maybe this whole thing with Freddie would have happened better for you. And I just know you would have detected my last few guys' issues long before I did."

Sam cocked her head. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Sammie." Melanie started to tense. "Well, I want to transfer somewhere back on this coast so that I'm not a continent away from you and Mom."

Sam largely succeeded at containing her tears. "Thanks, Mel."

**Author's note: **The "box shaped heart" thing is a form of self-hypnosis that was suggested to me when I had my heart broken as described in Act II. Until it happened to me, I never could understand why it was called "heartbreak." Afterward, I couldn't think of a more apt description. If you are ever unfortunate enough to feel that way in future, there are good links online, but you might also need the help of a therapist if it gets too overwhelming.

Whatever happens, remember – it is not the end of the world. Part of the reason I wrote this fic was to present how **not** to deal with a broken heart. You can't wallow in it like Sam, Mel, and Jade do in Act IV. That's why I have Sam having an extensive support system here – some of whom are not terribly helpful. You will need support and sometimes, it seems to do more harm than good. But you do matter to a lot of other people and eventually, the pain subsides.

And for Heaven's sake, please do not contemplate suicide. One reason I can't stand the concept of being "meant to be" is that then people believe that if you don't get the person you are "meant to be with," then your life is permanently damaged and makes suicide seem like a rational option. It is not.


	7. Act VI

**Author's note:** Again, I thank everyone who has reviewed, followed, favourited, etc. this story. I really appreciate it.

As usual, I don't own iCarly.

**Act VI**

**#√-1**

(Because i is the standard mathematical signifier of the square root of -1 [i.e., imaginary], I figured the octothorpe with the square root of -1 would be a nice title…)

In the living room of their apartment, Sam and Cat were working working on vocal intonation with three kids each. Cat was singing a C major scale with one group tuning with her while Sam worked with the others on the harmony a third higher. The phone rang in the next room, so Mel went to answer it "Sam and Cat's Super Rockin' Fun-Time Babysitting Service. Sam's sister Melanie speaking."

There was a pause before Carly replied, "Oh, hi, Mel. Is Sam there?"

Melanie shrugged. "Yeah, but she and Cat got a special before-school group to help them learn to hear their harmonies better for a vocal competition."

Carly broke in, sounding surprised, "I know that Sam can sing pretty well, but teaching?"

Melanie shrugged. "Well, they don't exactly teach. After a few scales and arpeggios, they sing songs the kids like that Sam and Cat both like. Sam and Cat then help them with learning to sing harmonies, figuring out backing music, some music-theoretic stuff."

"Wow, that's impressive."

"And the extra money gives Sam and Cat an extra incentive to improve at hit as well." The two friends chuckled lightly. Melanie then asked, "Should we connect on the iCarly site?"

"Yes, please." Carly paused. "Could you listen to me as I log in?"

Melanie sighed. "Of course, Carly. Just tell me what you are doing."

Carly walked Melanie through the log in procedure slowly, but without incident. Once they both confirmed they could see each other, Melanie continued. "Nice job, Carls. What's up?"

Carly spoke directly. "I need to be quick. Freddie is out with his Mom and I need to talk about them."

Melanie tut-tutted Carly before continuing. "Carly Shay, you know that you should not gossip about your boyfriend behind his back."

Carly and Melanie chuckled lightly before Carly responded. "It's more me than him."

"Go on."

"I'm trying to do what you, Sam, and Freddie think is good for Freddie and me as a couple, but, I don't know, it feels wrong." Carly's rambling mirrored her unease.

Melanie frowned at Carly's image on the screen as one of the kids claimed a two trick set on defence. "What's so wrong?"

Carly shrugged. "When we are being friends who just kiss each other and hold hands, it feels like some of what we do feels too dull – but it's still not as easy as it should be."

Melanie rolled her eyes. "Seriously, was becoming his friend easy?"

"No, but this is dating!"

"So?" Carly was stunned at Melanie's harshness. "Don't you remember Sam telling you that this was never going to be easy?"

"Even though we started as friends?" Carly asked.

"Of course. But being friends should still make it easier than usual."

"Yeah, maybe." Carly said without surety. "But Freddie and I don't agree on everything and sometimes it's just, well, ordinary."

Melanie leant forward. "Like you are just hanging out together?"

Carly's eyes widened. "**Exactly** that! I don't get that exhilarating rush every time we do something."

"Duh," Melanie said as she rolled her eyes. "You aren't going to get that rush, the butterflies in your stomach, and all that because you're relaxed around him. That's a **good** thing, Carly. Those are nervous reactions." She could see Carly's incomprehension. "You are dating a friend; you don't have to go through the usual learning stage of a relationship with all the fakery and game playing. You get to skip into a more comfortable and honest phase."

Carly looked puzzled. "Seriously?"

Melanie shrugged. "Far as I can tell."

Carly leant back slightly. "Wait, you don't know?"

"Well, I do know – granted by negative inference."

This time, Carly cringed. "Oh, you only found out about that chizz about Johnathannot wanting you to be better in 'male geek' classes than he was after the first few weeks."

Melanie nodded solemnly. "It sucked. It felt a bit like he was pressing me a bit, but I didn't accede." She gave Carly a wry smile, which Carly mirrored in response. "He then started asking me about my academics and why I wasn't interested less in classes and more in parties and socialising. He didn't like my family explanation."

Carly bristled at Melanie's description. "Unbelievable."

"Feel glad that Freddie has heard about female emancipation."

Carly laughed. "Yeah, that's one of the best things about him. He wants Sam and me to do the most we can with what we have, even if we better his achievements."

Melanie smiled. "Appreciate that, Carls."

"I know." Carly thought about this for a moment. "That's something else I am worried about." It was now Melanie's turn to be puzzled. "More and more women are graduating from college relative to men and are getting better and better jobs."

Melanie nodded. "Yeah – even tech schools that were traditionally majority male are almost fifty-fifty. It's so bad in the U.S. that some people are saying that, 'an entire generation of males could be intellectually left behind.'"

"Yup," Carly replied. "Aside from just wanting this to work with Freddie, I feel like I have to be the perfect girlfriend or Freddie can find someone better and I might not find anyone like him again."

Melanie chortled. "First, Carls, being the perfect girlfriend is about as realistic as it is having the relationship be easy." Carly nodded like she was acknowledging a teacher in class. "Second, believe me: I totally get what you are saying about the smaller pool of decent guys. Third, he's not the type to 'trade up' – even if-"

"-His mom is," Carly completed for her.

"Um, yeah, that too."

Carly nodded glumly. "And, I don't know how, but he's a bit changed."

"Of course," Melanie blurted.

Carly frowned. "Why?"

"Well, aside from being with his mother more," Melanie began, "He's also not with you and Sam-"

"-And is more with Shane, Gibby, Reuben, and Spencer!" Carly exclaimed. "I can't expect this to be like it was when we were all in Seattle!"

Melanie nodded excitedly. "Yup. You have been in Italy, so you have a few differences in yourself too."

"I bet he's doing the same thing too."

Melanie nodded firmly. "Most likely. Talk to him about it."

Carly then stopped for a moment. Then, a rather sullen look came over her. "Oh, uh, we also had an argument over colleges too."

"That was always going to happen, Carls."

Carly sighed. "I guess." She then looked at Melanie glumly. "And his Mom is making this harder."

Melanie shook her head in disgust. "It figures. What has 'Crazy' got up to now?"

Carly threw her hands up in the air. "She keeps bad-mouthing Sam. It really irks us, but she won't stop."

"Oh, chizz."

"Yeah. We have resorted to eating in Dad's office to avoid her." Carly's voice fell. "I think that her thinking that I was a better option than Sam so that we were 'meant to be' is actually hurting us."

Melanie nodded and then sighed. "Maybe it is." Carly nodded glumly. "You three didn't have a chance to work through all your emotions and stuff. What's worse is that you don't like that Sam didn't have a say in what finally happened."

Carly sighed again. "Yup. Whatever happens with me and with Freddie, Sam is always going to be a part of it. And with Sam and me, you are always going to be part of that too."

Melanie smiled. "Thanks, Carls."

Carly tensed her shoulders and spoke more quickly. "She has way more influence over his life than she ever did after iCarly really got going. I think she was partly responsible for Freddie taking me to all these places that looked like they were recommended by a nerd magazine of some sort."

"Maybe, maybe not," Melanie commented as she shrugged. "Were the ones you really didn't like very sciency and techy?"

"About a quarter of them, yeah," Carly responded, puzzled.

"Well, for those, isn't that what you'd expect from a mathlete who goes to science and tech clubs?"

Carly sighed. "I guess. But when I left Seattle, he knew not to get too wrapped in that stuff when he was with me."

Melanie cocked her head to the side. "Well, as his friend, you can try to bridge the gap between you. And you have changed too, right?"

"True. I've met a lot of people from all over NATO." Carly was momentarily pensive. "I am more cosmopolitan than he is now. Probably that's something he finds odd – me not watching 'Girly Cow' and the like."

Melanie smiled. "There you go, Carls. A way to bridge the gap and-"

Melanie and Carly heard the door slam at Carly's place. After a few moments, Freddie's and Marissa's voices could be heard coming from the entrance.

Carly turned quickly back to the screen. "I'd better go," she said hurriedly. "Thanks, Mel. Say 'hi' to Sam for me."

"Of course, Carls. 'Bye."

"'Bye." They both logged of the iCarly chat page just before Freddie appeared in Carly's doorway.

#### cameddie #### creddiam #### seddily #### sardie #### farlam #### framly ####

Freddie darted far out in front of his mother and ran towards the study where Carly was. He rushed into the room and then locked the door behind him. He then said, "Hi, Carls," as he reached out, put his arms around her, and gave her a long kiss. Carly wrapped her arms around his neck, sighed into his mouth, and relaxed into his form. After a few moments, the broke free, walked over to the love seat in the room arm-in-arm, and then nestled in next to each other. They then gave each other a quick peck on the cheek before settling into the couch.

Carly spoke first. "So, where did that enthusiasm come from?"

Freddie sighed in an exaggerated fashion before his mother started knocking loudly on the door. "Fredward?" She yelled. "Fredward, are you in there?" She continued knocking.

Freddie gestured with his eyes at the door. "I'm with Carly, Mom. Can't we just be a couple for a while?"

Marissa stopped knocking suddenly. "Oh, sorry, Dear. Hope to see you later."

Carly could hear Marissa's feet walk away from the door. She then let out a chuckle and then turned to Freddie. "Well, that was easy. She must really want to make sure you don't wind up with Sam."

Freddie shook his head. "I wonder if she realises how insulting it is to both of us."

Carly shook her head in disgust. "Obviously not. How have you been doing after Dad's lecture on Sunday night?"

Freddie laughed nervously. "I wouldn't have believed if you had said she could smother me more, but somehow she's even worse than she was when I first me you and Sam." Carly put her hands over her mouth in a vain attempt to stifle a guffaw. "It's ridiculous. She keeps telling me to take you here, there, and everywhere that Sam wouldn't like and would try to explain why that would be better for both of us."

Carly slammed her fists down on the couch. "Seriously?" Freddie nodded solemnly. "And you, being the good son, don't contradict her."

Freddie nodded again. "I try to, but it's had to say something intelligent when you can barely get two words of protest out before she starts continually me. I hate that she not only wears me down, but even when I try to block her out, she still gets through." Freddie got to his feet, walked quickly around the room, and then looked at Carly warmly before sitting back down. "I need to apologise for some of the places I took you yesterday. I let her ideas get to me. They even bored me sometimes and I could tell you weren't happy with many of them."

"Yeah, you're right," Carly sighed. "We also have another issue, and I don't know how to deal with it." Freddie took in his breath. "I'm just more cosmopolitan from being here and just view things differently because I've been away from Seattle."

Freddie nodded. "And I got geekier and frankly, more techie and less arty because you and Sam aren't around."

"Yeah." Carly thought for a moment. "You're less into media and stuff. And, honestly, you're more, I don't know, pedantic, I guess, but weirder."

Freddie nodded. "Yeah. It's Gibby, Shane, and the guys. All the video games, MMORPGs, you know..."

Carly nodded. "And I feel, odd, I guess." Freddie's eyes widened. "I thought I would need to help you because I dated more, but you are better with, um, I, oh, I don't know, um, about the other stuff in a relationship."

"You mean communicating?" Freddie snickered as Carly threw him a dirty look before she collapsed in laughter, taking Freddie into hysterics with her.

After they recovered and settled back down on the couch, Freddie continued. "In that case, why do you seem so frightened sometimes when you look into my eyes?"

Carly narrowed her eyes and then sat back. "I'm not exactly sure, Freddie. Could we come back to this?"

Freddie gave Carly a puzzled look. "Sure, but let's not forget it. It's important to me that we work on our communication."

Carly nodded. "It's important to me too." Freddie nodded resolutely. "Heck, it was important even before we started going out."

"That it was," Freddie replied somewhat painedly. He then smiled broadly at her. "You'll be fine at at – you've always been really nice if not shy and harsh about your opinions of me – not that it was easy for me to take."

Carly bobbed her head sideways and got a far-away look in her eyes. "Yeah, it probably wasn't. I feel so guilty that it seemed so easy for me back then," she then added wistfully. After a few moments, her mind cleared and she looked warmly at Freddie. "Anyway, why don't we decide together what we want to do, OK?"

Freddie nodded and pulled out his laptop. "Sure. We have centuries of stuff to choose from." He powered it up and looked at Carly hopefully. "What should we do?"

Carly put her arms around his neck to pull him next to her so that she could look over his shoulder. She kissed him on the neck. "Well, we just said I'm more arty and you're more techie, so where do they meet?"

Freddie thought for a moment as the home page for Florence came up on the screen. "Well, architecture like old churches or classic buildings, maybe astronomy or displays at the science centres, scientific history, and anything else that Sam would think being both 'nubby' and 'cool.'" He turned to grin at Carly. But Carly had stopped smiling the moment he said, "Sam." Freddie looked at her with concern. "Carls, are you OK?"

Carly nodded slowly, but she spoke deliberately, as if she were in a trance. "Yeah. Sam."

Freddie gave her a blank look. "What about Sam?"

"Oh, Freddie!" Carly cried before she buried her head into his shoulder. She could feel tears coming from her eyes and making his shoulder sleeves damp. "I've been trying to make my best friend look bad to you!" she bawled.

Freddie patted her on the head. "Shh, Carly. No you haven't."

Carly shook her head. "Yes, I have – I always try to make my boyfriends feel like I am a better girlfriend than anyone he ever had. I always want to be his perfect girl. I've been trying to make you not want to argue with me because I know that's what you disliked the most about your relationship with Sam! I'm so sorry, Sam, Freddie. I shouldn't have done it."

Freddie pulled Carly around and held her in a tight hug. "It's OK, Carly. I think I subconsciously compared you two in my head. That's not fair – you two are so different but great girlfriends in different ways."

Carly stopped crying for a moment and looked him in the eye. "Do you think we can go through tomorrow without me trying to compete against Sam and you not comparing your relationships with us?"

Freddie smiled. "I had better." He and Carly laughed heartily and relaxed before going back to the laptop.

#### cameddie #### creddiam #### seddily #### sardie #### farlam #### framly ####

Sam and Melanie slept next to each other on the apartment couch. Sam had a neutral look on her face. Meanwhile, Melanie smiled contentedly and nodded her head. "I will, Kid," she mumbled in her sleep. Then, Sam face burst to life with a smile.

"_Hi, Momma!"_

_Sam looked down at a rejuvenated Frothy, who bounded into her arms and nestled against her shoulder and neck. "How are you doing, Kid?" Frothy purred in response. Sam petted him and then they rubbed cheeks. "Good Kiddo," she said happily as she fought back the tears in her eyes._

"_I am sorry I had to retire when you were hurting so much, Momma," Frothy whispered in her ear. "But The Boss has another job for me." Sam pulled her head back and stared into her cat's eyes. She allowed her tears to come. "He said that although you were hurting from breaking up with Freddie and would hurt more when he went back to Carly, he said that I had done my job for you, Sissy, and Grams."_

_Sam wept openly. "We so didn't want to take you to the vet that day, but I couldn't let you suffer, Kid." She hugged him and they rubbed cheeks again. "I loved you too much."_

"_Thanks, Momma." Frothy jumped out of her arms and onto the ground. "I have to get going soon. The Boss told me to tell you that you will heal eventually. I just wanted you to remember that I will always remember you. I will look in on you when I can. Don't forget me, Momma. And don't forget that I love you, Momma."_

_Sam smiled warmly. "Of course not, Kiddo."_

_Frothy and Sam stood together and regarded each other lovingly. Then Frothy turned and ran through a kitty-door that appeared in the ground._

Sam smiled mirrored Melanie's as they continued sleeping. Meanwhile, in Seattle, Pam mumbled, "Thanks a lot, Kid," in her sleep as she and Spencer rested through the night.


	8. Epilogue

Hello, everyone. It's the epilogue. I hope that you have enjoyed my story. I have been responding to people today (9 February 2014) to let them know I appreciated their reviews and such. As a commemoration on posting my first FF since 1990, I made my disclaimer the title of the epilogue. I should also mention that the title deliberately looks like a cross between an iCarly title and the title to I, Robot. It also reflects my philosophy that the series works best when all three of the mains are involved and that their romantic lives are intertwined, even if they are not dating each other.

I should clarify two important points because they help explain Sam's attitude towards Freddie dating any of Carly, Melanie, and her at the end: Frothy appears in Melanie's dream first, then Sam's, then Pam's. Her dream about Frothy is the first dream of hers to not involve Science Fiction (Freddie's interests) or Freddie in the story. The intent was to show that she is starting to get over Freddie just like she got over Frothy's death. It also shows that she knows that Freddie, like Carly, Melanie, et al., will always love her too and, like Frothy here, will always look out for her.

**Epilogue**

**iStill Don't Own iCarly**

Carly smiled at Freddie as they sat down in front of the Shay's computer. They smiled wistfully at each other before embracing for a long hug. After disengaging from the hug, Carly asked, "Are you sure we're ready for this?"

Freddie nodded as he punched the keys on the keyboard. After a few moments, the screen for the iCarly chat area came up. Sam and Melanie were already logged on in their own window from Sam's couch.

Melanie spoke first. "There you are!"

Sam added, "Ironic that you called us to log on and then we wound up feeling lonely for all these seconds."

Melanie, Carly, and Freddie chuckled. Carly nodded resolutely as Sam's joke relieved her tension. "So, still there, Mel?"

Melanie nodded. "Yup. I'm going to stay until Friday evening. I'm taking a red-eye that gets to Boston Saturday morning. Then I connect to go back to school."

"I figured I could deign to host my sister until then," Sam added. "How about you two?"

Freddie spoke for the first time. "Mom and I are going back to Seattle tomorrow morning."

Melanie asked for clarification. "Wednesday night here, right?"

Carly looked shyly at the ground before replying. "Yeah. Today is his last full day here."

"So, trying the long-distance thing?" Sam enquired, seemingly nervously.

Carly and Freddie shook their heads. Carly spoke first. "No. We have been trying everything to rush through the start of a relationship until this morning. We kept having issues."

Sam frowned. "You two did take my advice, right Carls?"

Carly nodded vigourously. "You bet we did, Sam. But we had other issues that came up."

Sam groaned. "You didn't break up because of me, did you?"

Freddie jumped in. "No, of course not!"

Melanie saw the reason first. "It's because of the pressure from Freddie's mom and the time crunch."

Carly nodded. "We just couldn't really relax with each other and learn to be together. And if we got some alone time, then Marissa would just pop out of nowhere to lecture us on the reprobate Puckett family." Sam and Melanie giggled at this. Carly narrowed her eyes. "What is **that** all about?"

Melanie recovered first. "Oh, we'll tell you, um, when does your Dad's enforced Stateside service begin?"

"About this time next year, why?"

Sam nodded resolutely. "We'll get together and tell you then."

Carly responded unsurely. "Um, sure. Where?"

Sam thought for a moment. "Let's burn that bridge when we get to it." She grinned widely. Melanie, Carly, and Freddie grinned in response.

Melanie then added, "Oh, I should also mention that I will be transferring to somewhere here on the left coast."

Freddie's and Carly's eyes went wide. Freddie recovered first. "Really? Why?"

Melanie shrugged. "I found I liked being nearer my sister and mother after all these years." She then glanced at Sam. "And I know if I get a chizzy boyfriend again who wants me to slow down **my** studies for **his** ego, then I can have Sam whack him with a butter-sock." The four of them snickered at the thought.

Sam cleared her throat. She asked the question on all their minds. "So where does that leave all of us?" She glanced nervously at her twin and her friends in Florence.

Carly leant forward and looked at the twins keenly, particularly Sam. "Do any of us think that Freddie dating one of us again immediately is a good idea?" She could see Sam and Melanie purse their lips and then shake their heads firmly. She could hear Freddie's head shake behind her. "Good. Because Freddie and I found that having one of the rest of us as his only measuring sticks for girlfriends was untenable."

Freddie then added, "I think we all need to look beyond just us and date other people. If I wind up with one of you, maybe five to ten years from now is better for all concerned."

Melanie nodded. "Sure. Look at how we all have changed since you three started iCarly." She paused for effect. "And maybe it was natural for all of us – especially you three – to have found each other as significant others."

Freddie then broke in. "Yeah – we're all safe, known quantities. But we also have our own strange pressures because of how close we are. We're still really young and have to get out of college and into the real world – well, except Sam, but you might want to go to college eventually too. It's just too early for me to make a life-long commitment when I wasn't even sure about whom I should date before my Mom-"

Sam interrupted with, "Acted like an idiot?" Everyone laughed at her apt if non-politic comment.

"Something like that," Freddie replied. "And both of you, Carly and Sam, need to really try to be serious with another guy who isn't me and to appreciate him for who he is. If one of you three eventually winds up with me, I want to know we didn't just settle for each other, hooked up out of inertia, or just got desperate. I want to marry someone who can't imagine her life without me, who really wants to. I think I deserve that." Freddie stopped when Melanie contorted her face. "What, Mel?"

"Just watch 'The Nanny' recently?"

"Well, my mom watches it-"

Sam jumped in again. "Aha! I knew it! He is a Mamma's boy! There's the smoking gun!"

Carly laughed, but felt compelled to admonish Sam. "Oh, Sam!"

"For old time's sake, Carls," Sam protested. "This may be my last chance to insult him as if he were a child."

"So you're admitting he's a **man **now?" Carly repied snarkily.

Melanie broke in. "I don't think she's going **that** far, Carls." Freddie sighed with mock-disbelief.

Carly then thought about it for a moment before following with, "Of course, if he's doing his homework in the next room while his mom is watching it…" She let the implication fade with her voice.

Freddie shook his head this time. "Carly! You too?"

Carly smiled and playfully slapped Freddie on the shoulder. "Well, it's time I grew up too."

Freddie screwed his face up in confusion. "Wait, so you are going to grow up by becoming more childish?"

Melanie responded, "Childl**ike**, Freddie. It sounds better." The three women then exploded into laughter.

Freddie chuckled as he thought about it. "So what else should I do to grow up?"

Melanie smiled warmly at him, but she had a twinkle in her eye. "Learn to deal with women?" The three women laughed as Freddie shook his head with bemusement.

A/N: Some background

This story started off as a challenge between me and several writers on this board. If we take everything all the characters did at face value and ignore the web content, Dan Schneider's notes, and what have you, is it possible to ret-con (retro-actively fix the series' continuity) Freddie's behaviour in "iGoodbye" so that he doesn't look like a jerk while not having a shipper's point of view? Once I decided the answer was "no," then I thought of trying to write a story which at least mitigated his behaviour in a realistic fashion. I had just planned on writing something limited, but it spiraled out of control in a big hurry.

I hope you liked it anyway.


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